Thorns & Joys - Real Skills Workshop Replay
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Thorns & Joys
“Can I let in that nurturing, that fulfillment, the joy that’s in there, even if there are plenty of thorns in my world?”
We’ve both spent years honing the real‑life skill of embracing the and—allowing the sting of a thorn and the sweetness of a bloom to coexist in the very same moment. Let’s tap, laugh, sigh, and practice together so you can do the same.
Links
- Replay and Discussion: Thorns & Joys
- Youtube: https://youtu.be/1OGEZluYCBQ
We covered…
1. Practice the Powerful “And”
We build real skill when we can say, “Yes, there’s a thorn… and there’s also a bloom.” Each time a prickly moment shows up, invite yourself to notice one spark of goodness that is also true right now. The simple act of including both instantly widens our life-force.
2. Understand Your Primitive Brain
Our survival wiring will shove all attention toward the danger first. Once we’re safe, we can coach that brain to soften and allow a “cup of joy” alongside the concern. Knowing this stops the self-blame and lets us work with biology, not against it.
3. Tap to Make Space
EFT Tapping is the emotional technology we lean on. A few rounds of “Even though there’s something bad going on, I choose to also notice…” tells the body it’s allowed to perceive more than pain. Feel free to change the words and tap wherever feels comfy.
4. Micro-Joys & the 17-Second Pause
Micro-joys are tiny moments (a wildflower, clean underwear!) that we linger with for at least 17 seconds. That short pause is enough to give the nervous system a tangible lift and trains our attention toward nourishment.
5. Fill Your “Cup of Joy” Daily
Morning coffee, a breeze on your skin, the first sip shared with “spirit buddies”—these rituals top up our inner reservoir so thorns don’t drain us dry. Choose a few reliable pleasures and make a conscious ceremony of them.
6. Grow the Muscle Gradually
Holding thorns and joys together feels heavy at first, just like a new workout. With gentle reps the effort drops quickly; if it still feels exhausting, look for hidden beliefs that say you “don’t deserve” ease.
7. Anchor Joy Inside, Not Outside
We practice being internally referenced—able to sense appreciation or usefulness without waiting for someone else to mirror it. A hand over the heart and a breath into the spine helps reclaim that inner guidance on demand.
8. Let Go of “Perfect-First” Thinking
Life is not spotless. We stop postponing enjoyment by recognising that lovely and messy can coexist in the same minute—and that waiting for perfection only depletes us further. Imperfectionism for Thriving!
9. Balance, Don’t Bypass
We build strength to keep distance from the two extremes: ignoring all thorns (spiritual bypass) or marinating only in pain (chronic negativity). Our bodies thrive on truthful seeing—acknowledging the hurt and steering gently toward what uplifts.
10. Self-Consideration Fuels Generosity
When we notice and meet our own needs—like topping off the gas tank before it’s empty—we have surplus energy to be genuinely considerate of others instead of running on fumes.
11. Shape a Deeper Cup for the Future You
Every time we process a thorn, we make the vessel a little deeper, giving tomorrow’s self more room for joy and resilience. Remember: we’re becoming the humans our younger (and future) selves have needed all along.
The Skill of Living in the And
“Life isn’t black‑and‑white; things are not perfect and things are still lovely at the same time.” –Cathy
Let’s start exactly where we are—feet on the floor, a breath in the chest, primitive brain on high alert. Instead of waiting for perfection, we’ll practice shifting our focus just enough to notice something nurturing while the thorn is still throbbing. Ready?
EFT Tapping Round — Making Space for More Than Problems
Side of Hand: Even though I’m really noticing the negative things happening right now, and man there seems like there’s a lot of them, my primitive brain is really activated. It’s noticing all the problems, and I really appreciate that it’s focusing me on the issues I need to face.
Top of Head: Thanks so much, primitive brain.
Eyebrow: I’m so glad you’re trying to protect me.
Side of Eye: And you have such a big list of things to protect me from.
Under the Eye: Some of those are not anything we can do about right now.
Under the Nose: We can be aware. We are aware.
Chin: But we don’t have to dwell on them.
Collarbone: What if we gave them the appropriate amount of attention?
Under the Arm: We don’t have to go into the deep well of trauma.
Top of Head: And we can be informed.
Eyebrow: That might give a little more space for the good things that are happening too.
Side of Eye: Sometimes it’s really hard.
Under the Eye: What if I can build this up like a muscle?
Under the Nose: A small child can’t always do things well with two different hands.
Chin: They can’t pat their tummy and rub their head.
Collarbone: With some gentle practice we can get better at it—and that might be really good for my nervous system.
Under the Arm: I know that would be really good for my nervous system.
Top of Head: What if I can practice a little bit right now?
Building the Muscle of Dual Awareness
“I’m inviting my body to hold both… to take little bits of joy, notice what pleases me, notice what stirs my heart.” –Rick
Each micro‑moment of delight—morning coffee aroma, birds gossiping outside, a single red berry—strengthens our capacity to feel more without denying what hurts. Let’s tap that in.
EFT Tapping Round — Holding Thorns and Flowers
Side of Hand: Even though I wasn’t taught to hold both, and it didn’t often feel safe to really feel my joy, I’m in a different place now, and I’m building the skill now.
Top of Head: Yeah, it’s not black and white.
Eyebrow: Amidst the thorns, there are often flowers.
Side of Eye: Just ask nature.
Under the Eye: Inside me, there are thorns and flowers.
Under the Nose: I’m inviting my body to hold both.
Chin: To take little bits of joy.
Collarbone: Notice what pleases me.
Under the Arm: Notice what stirs my heart.
Top of Head: Notice what makes me giggle—and let that be part of the picture too.
When Resentment Blocks the View
“Why in the hell is this bad stuff happening? Does God not care about me?”
–Cathy
We’ve all shaken a fist at the sky. Resentment is natural—and sticky. Rather than forcing gratitude, we gently move the stuck energy so new perspective can slip in.
EFT Tapping Round — Resentment & Reluctant Allowing
Side of Hand: Even though I think bad things should not happen—I’m a good person, I care, I work really hard—yet the universe feels like it’s punishing me, I’m open to maybe seeing this differently.
Top of Head: I really resent that this bad stuff is happening.
Eyebrow: I do not want it to happen.
Side of Eye: I do not like this.
Under the Eye: Part of me is just holding onto this resentment and anger.
Under the Nose: I’m holding onto this grief.
Chin: This should not have happened.
Collarbone: But it did happen.
Under the Arm: The universe has such a weird combination of things that come at us.
Top of Head: And sometimes we find blessings in even the worst things.
Eyebrow: Maybe I can look at things without so much resentment.
Side of Eye: And see if there’s joy in those things too.
All‑or‑Nothing Resistance
“You can’t make me see anything good about this!”
When an inner child digs in her heels, we honor that fierce protective energy first—then invite a sliver of possibility.
EFT Tapping Round — “I Won’t Give In!”
Side of Hand: Even though I have this all‑or‑nothing thinking—I cannot give in, it wasn’t right, and I’m holding on forever—I respect that part of me and I’m curious what else might be true.
Top of Head: I will only notice the bad things.
Eyebrow: You can’t make me see anything good about this.
Side of Eye: I’m holding on forever.
Under the Eye: And that’s my right.
Under the Nose: I can hold on forever.
Chin: And it wasn’t right what happened.
Collarbone: What if I could see good things and still know it was wrong?
Under the Arm: The birds singing have nothing to do with how bad they were.
Top of Head: Maybe I can let some joy in without excusing them.
Anchoring Joy for Future‑Me
“I’m building resilience for my future self—just like me 10 years ago did.”
We close each day by savoring what mattered: a single sip of coffee, a daring teenage squirrel, the way community held space. Those memories compost into rich soil our future selves can rely on.
Closing
We’re profoundly grateful for your courageous, sensitive nature and the way you’ve shown up here. Keep tending both the joys and the thorns, one breath and one 17‑second pause at a time.
Until next time—remember, you rock.
Resources Mentioned
Click for Computer Generated Transcript
Thorns & Joys
[00:00:00] Thorns and Joys. This is a real skills workshop for those of us that are trying to craft and co-create a thriving life. This aspect of life has its thorns and there are joys there too. Am I able, I have the skill to embrace both. I’m Rick from ThrivingNow. I’m here with Cathy Vartuli from ThrivingNow and TheIntimacyDojo, and this has been one of those things that we’ve focused on since the beginning, right?
[00:00:34] With tapping the e EFT, Tapping, which we use even, it’s often pointing to, even though I have this thorn, I want to feel something in addition. I wanna move in that direction, not in denial of this thing, but, but in. The, the skillful moving of our attention, our focus, our inclusion of, of other things that are happening as well.
[00:01:02] What’s your thought on that? Yeah, I, I think EFT is a perfect example of that and I know that many of us also have brought up our culture, our media, our hopes and dreams are often that things will finally be perfect. Someday. They’re gonna, you know, live Cinderella lived happily ever after. If I just work hard enough, I’ll feel loved enough and everything will be good.
[00:01:24] Um, there’s kind of that constantly swimming upstream, hoping that we can get somewhere and life is really like, as I. Get more life experience. I’m just like, oh, that’s just not how life is. Um, and I think that I’ve missed out on a lot of joy in my life because I was waiting for things to be perfect. I was like, how can I enjoy myself right now when this isn’t okay in my world?
[00:01:48] And, you know, if I can just get to that place where I’m okay, then I can enjoy it. And there’s a lot of driving in that. And I often will end up depleted because I’m, I’m pushing for something that isn’t there, as opposed to like, oh, things are not perfect and things are still lovely at the same time in some places of my world.
[00:02:09] And can I let in that nurturing, that fulfillment, that the, the joy that’s in there, even if there are plenty of thorns in my world? Hmm.
[00:02:21] I want to acknowledge that wherever we are in our, our, our journey, there are times I, I got a lot of unsubscribes weirdly, not weirdly, um, from this topic. Oh, really? Just saying. Yeah. Um, there, there are times as I look at my journey where I was so narrowly focused on my complaints and pains and disease and dis-ease that this idea of joys was like, you’ve got to be kidding.
[00:02:56] And I get it. And I’ve learned to be okay with the little bit of a thorn of, Hey, Cathy and I are doing stuff together with our community based upon what we feel, what’s alive for us. And what’s alive in the world and, and particularly within the community that we’re connected to. And there are those, and I’m so grateful to, to see so many familiar faces and some new ones as well here with us that are ready to be real.
[00:03:37] To say, yeah, I’ve lived long enough to recognize that there’s actually no, there might be a moment of my life that 30 seconds that, that day where, um, it was really pretty rosy and. If I, if I filter out all the joys, I can definitely see that there’s a pattern of contrast. Things that are like rows, thorns, you know, um, I’m, I’m fortunate to be a parent and, uh, not a day has gone by of me being a dad, much less a partner where there aren’t thorns and joys.
[00:04:30] Mm-hmm. I really, if there have been days where I haven’t assimilated it, I haven’t taken it in my capacity to, to do more than cope was so limited that if you asked me at the end of the day, well, what did you notice that gave you a little smile, a little joy. I’d be like, I wanna go to bed. Um, and.
[00:04:58] Now in retrospect, one of the things that this work does is we actually get to harvest some things I feel from, I have two adult children and, and two, um, not adult yet children. And what I’m noticing is that as I do this work around the thorn of like disagreeableness and picky eating ness and grumpiness and stomp my feet and uh, ness, um, as I do the work of saying, yeah, that’s not my preference, that’s a thorn.
[00:05:37] Ouch. Okay, I’m gonna cope with that. There’s also, uh, concurrently at the same time an intimate relationship that is evolving where there is a profound love and desire. To meet in a yes yes way. Mm-hmm. Even when we can’t, even, when we don’t, even when, um, you know, one of us doesn’t have the capacity to do that.
[00:06:07] So that, and is, is an aspect of thriving. And if even if this workshop is not for somebody that really, their, their life is, um, I remember taking my horse out and we were exploring and I can still feel how good it felt. You know, we were just having such a good time and I was like, Ooh, let’s go there. And we went down and we ended up in surrounded by, um, the name is escaping me, but they’re thorns about two and a half inches.
[00:06:45] My horse cannot move forward, but if he backs up. I’m going right into the other thorns that somehow are surrounding me in that moment. Um, survival for both of us were really all that I was praying for. And if, you know, that would not be, if, if this workshop was on a podcast in my, my ear would not be the time, it would be seriously annoying.
[00:07:14] So I wanna acknowledge that somewhere along that spectrum, we all can be at a given moment, a given hour, a given day, um, and this skill of saying, and yes, thorn and what, um, it’s, it’s one that. Any energy that you put toward it starts filling out the picture, starts filling out your energy field with more of what you want to notice, are noticing and are is around you.
[00:07:51] 'cause it’s not, we’re, we’re very rarely find ourselves surrounded by two and a, two and a half inch thorns. Well, I just to reiterate something you said in there was, if we are in a crisis situation, if we’re in fight, fight, freeze, we ha do not have much capacity to notice anything Good. It just is how our, our survival brain is looking to survive.
[00:08:17] It is not going, oh, the sun is shiny right now. As we start healing old traumas and helping our brain be more resilient, we start getting the capacity to hold both at the same time. But to expect a small child or someone who has a lot of unresolved trauma to do it, I don’t think that’s possible. I do think that when we start being able to see that possibility, that’s a really big sign that we’ve done some work on ourselves.
[00:08:43] We’ve helped our primitive brain response to soften and, and, and be a little more resilient and have some space for our con the enjoyment in the moment. But it does make sense if I am in physical danger or life-threatening danger, my brain does not wanna spend any resources other than to get me the fuck out of that situation.
[00:09:04] It’s not going, oh, look at the pretty birds. It’s like, no, get me away from the thorns. Um, and I think that’s evolutionary. The brains that were like, oh, look at the pretty flowers as I’m getting impaled by thorns are like, they might have not had as much ability to get out. Their focus wasn’t where it really needed to be.
[00:09:21] So there’s nothing wrong per se, if you can’t, if you have trouble sometimes. And it’s really, it’s, I just have found the more I can, I can go, oh, I’m really worried about this thing. I’m not in physical danger right now. And I, you know, there’s something, things are going, not going how I want them to, but what is going well for me?
[00:09:44] Is there some space for me to hold a cup of joy at the same time? Mm-hmm. Cup of joy, morning coffee. Um, it’s very joyful for me. I love coffee in the morning, so, so we use EFT tapping, it is an ener emotional technology. Uh, that’s what I call it. Um, I think that puts it in the right context. Con technology is making this workshop possible for people around the world.
[00:10:11] Um, we have people on different sides of the planet. I recognize, uh, and emotional technology allow us to be with, uh, an energy of like, well, there’s something bad going on and that can stick our energy. And tapping can say, yeah, even though there is something bad going on. Mm-hmm. I choose to also notice.
[00:10:40] And that’s the, and that’s possible. Mm-hmm. And so Cathy and I are gonna be doing tapping back and forth. We’re not gonna teach tapping here. If you’re new to tapping ThrivingNow dot com slash tapping is our free course. Um, but you can follow along and you’re welcome to change the words. You’re welcome to, uh, adapt.
[00:11:00] But we. We use a variety of different intuitive and improvisational, um, approaches. As we tap, we tap natural comfort points. These are also points used in acupuncture, in a variety of other, other, um, uh, ways of soothing the body. I’d like to start with, um, the very natural default powerful mode of, oh, there’s something bad.
[00:11:32] There’s the thorn. Mm-hmm. And is it okay to also notice. Would you be willing to lead us in that, Cathy? Yeah. I invite people to let yourself come back to your body here. And now that we’re in a circle, an energetic circle, even if we’re all around the world, we’re all here with a common interest. So if you have Facebook open or whatever, let the Facebook cats go off and do their thing.
[00:11:56] They’ll still be there later. Invite you to bring your attention here and just notice your feet on the floor, your butt in the chair. Let yourself be here. And now part of what we’re doing is looking at reality as it is not as black or white or we’re just looking at it, what is in front of us. And being in our body really helps us with that.
[00:12:17] It helps we, if we’re in the future or in the past or distracted, we’re really not with reality and we don’t have quite as much leverage or power. So if you can just take a nice deep breath in and just notice the breath as it comes in. This is happening right now, in this moment and when we can be with this moment right now, we, I think that tapping everything we do is much more powerful.
[00:12:44] So I invite you, if you notice you’re start getting distracted a little while, just come back to the breath and coming back here because you, I do think you’ll have more of an impact with your time and the energy we’re focusing. So another nice deep breath if that feels good to you. Karate Chop:. Even though I’m really noticing the negative things happening right now, even though I’m really noticing the negative things that are happening right now, and man, there seems like there’s a lot of 'em and man there seems like there’s a lot of them.
[00:13:20] My primitive brain is really activated. My primitive brain is really activated. It’s noticing all the problems, it’s noticing all the problems, and I really appreciate that. It’s focusing on the issues I need to face, and I really appreciate that it’s focusing me on the issues I need to face Top of the Head:.
[00:13:42] Thanks so much primitive brain. Thanks so much primitive brain Eyebrow:. I’m so glad you’re trying to protect me. I’m so glad you’re trying to protect me Side of the Eye:, and you have such a big list of things to protect me from, and you have such a,
[00:13:59] you have such a big list of things to protect me from Under the Eye:. Some of those are not anything we can do about, some of those are not anything we can do anything about right now Under the Nose:. We can be, yeah, we can be aware. We are aware Chin:, but we don’t have to dwell on them. Ooh. We don’t have to dwell on them.
[00:14:24] Collarbone:, what if we gave them the appropriate amount of attention? What if we gave them the appropriate amount of attention Under the Arm:? We don’t have to go into the deep well of trauma. We do not have to go in the deep well of trauma top of that, and we can be informed and we can be informed. I brow, that might give a little more space for the good things that are happening too.
[00:14:51] I want it to give space for the good things that are happening too. Side of the Eye:. Sometimes it’s really hard and sometimes that’s really hard. Under the Eye:, what if I can build this up like a muscle? What if I can build this up like a muscle Under the Nose:? A small child can’t do things really well with two different hands.
[00:15:14] A small child can’t always do things well with two different hands. Chin:, they can’t pat their tummy and rub their head. I don’t know if I can pat my tummy right here, Collarbone:, but with some gentle practice we might get better at it. With some gentle practice, we can get better at it and, and I think that might be really good for my nervous system.
[00:15:38] I know that that would be really good for my nervous system. Top of the Head:. What if I can practice a little bit right now? What if I can practice a little bit right now and just invite you to take a nice deep breath? Just notice your body.
[00:15:59] And I, I, you wanna talk about that deep wall of trauma. I think there’s a lot of things going in our political system and our social system right now where it’s really easy to spiral down. I’m part of the L-G-B-T-L-G-B-T-Q, um, community, and there’s been a bunch of lawsuits and, uh, law, um, judicial hearings lately that have not been good for equal rights and that sort of thing.
[00:16:23] I could really spiral down into it, and I wanna be informed and aware, but I also, if I spend all my time in that well of trauma, I’m not taking care of myself and I’m depleted and I can’t do anything else. So I do wanna be aware, and I also take, there’s days I’m like, I’m not gonna look today because my nervous system is not.
[00:16:45] Doesn’t feel resilient about that right now. And there’s days where I wanna be informed and maybe I donate some money to the A CLU or something like that, or write a letter to my congressman. But if I just stay in that pit of despair about this, like we fought so hard for these rights and they’re being eradicated really quickly, um, I’m not living my life.
[00:17:06] I’m just at the bottom of that trauma well, and I’m not actually doing anything to make it go away and I’m not actually doing anything to take care of myself. Does that make sense? Like it’s important It does. To find balance. Well, and, and as someone mentioned, you know, we want this connection to the, the joy to be internally referenced as as much as possible.
[00:17:38] And what do I mean by that? It means that I have. Ways of coming back, bringing my attention within. And this was the first gift that my, my first savvy teacher who understood my energy, I was so external, right? He said, go within. And even though all of that, what, what is precious to you?
[00:18:13] And like as I hear you, like I know you, that safety and inclusion and the, the freedom to be ourselves regardless of where on the spectrum we fall in all the different ways is really precious to you. Mm-hmm. And wanting to, like, can I come back to the, the pleasure of that? And sometimes, you know, it, it flows obviously.
[00:18:48] Like if my daughter is distressed, there’s a a quality of of goodness and I won’t necessarily elevate it to, to joys. Right. But there’s a quality of goodness that she has. Um, she has support. Mm. She lives in a we space where there there are beings that care about her wellbeing. Yeah. And I can extend that truth out to like the people that I know that are distressed about, um, changes that are impacting them, rules changes and all these other things that, you know, they are at least a part of the we space that Cathy and I hold that say, we see you, we care about your wellbeing too.
[00:19:40] Not the same as living in our. In our living room, but you’re sort of here, right with us now. And, and that coming back, finding, um, touch points that we c can come back to easily, to me that’s part of the skill. It may not be woo joy. It can be, ah, and amidst all of this,
[00:20:11] I feel the care that I have for what. So that’s part of the practice. Is there something that when you put your hand on your heart, if this feels good to you and like a, a practice that you can imagine yourself possibly doing, if you put your hand on your heart and bring your attention inside, um, there’s a little.
[00:20:34] Savvy trick of like feeling the inside of your spine. Mm-hmm. And your heart’s in front of it, and your lungs and your energy field. But by putting your hand over your heart, you are providing in the same way that, you know, we put a hand on someone’s back, um, or we, we hold, we hold someone. Um, we’re creating a space and when, who, who and what is in that space.
[00:21:17] And when you notice that what happens in your body,
[00:21:29] sometimes the, and is simultaneous, like by doing this. I, I’m still aware of
[00:21:42] the thorns. Mm-hmm.
[00:21:47] And I find a softer place, a a, a place where my Q is moving and feels alive. And,
[00:21:58] and when we feel that inside of ourselves, that’s, that’s part of the skill. Yeah, and I’d like, I’d like to just, do you wanna tap on that or I, another a thought that I, go ahead. Okay. Um, I think that, that we’re often blocked from that kind of dual, able to see both sides. So it could be, I’m, I hang out with a lot of people that are law of attraction folks, and I do think with law of attraction, we need to start with reality.
[00:22:25] Where are we actually there? But a lot of people have gotten the, the idea law of attraction is I only see the good things. I won’t see anything else. I only see the good things. So there’s. There’s kind of like that for me, it’s kind of spiritual bypassing. It’s not, I’m trying to force myself to think something or see, you know, not see something as opposed to, here is reality.
[00:22:46] I’d like to try to steer towards positive things. So on one side we have people, a lot of people that have been trained to, like, I won’t look at the negative stuff at all, which is very hard on our nervous systems because it’s not reality. Our bodies want to, they want the truth. They feel best in the truth in what really is.
[00:23:04] But on the other side, a lot of us are brought up with, um, parents that were probably low resourced. They didn’t have the education awareness. Um, whatever. And people with low resources tend to be very binary. They tend to see either things good or bad. So if my mom is in a, in a rough space and I try to point out anything good, she really reacts badly to that.
[00:23:28] She’s like, no, it’s all awful. Leave me. You know, like, we can’t even look at that. Um, and so if you’re brought up in a family where people had trouble in, in that reactive state that some of them get to or they just didn’t have the nuance that, you know, we all would love to think we have all the time, but I think we, good days we have it and bad days we don’t.
[00:23:49] Um, as children we’re kind of like, oh, I can’t see both we’re, we’re, we’re little beings have to acclimate to the pe their caregivers. It’s just the way things are. Like the survival, the survival mechanism kicks in. So if we’ve been brought up to see like, oh, it’s either everything’s horrible or things might be a little okay.
[00:24:08] Right now, it may be really hard to see it. Both good and bad at the same time. Let’s do some tapping. Yeah. Again, so Cathy just stirred up that right, that memory for a lot of us, even though I wasn’t taught to hold both, even though I was not taught to hold both, and it didn’t often feel safe. It didn’t often feel safe to really feel my joy, to really feel my joy.
[00:24:38] I’m in a different place now. I am in a different place now, and I’m building the skill now. And I’m building the skill now.
[00:24:51] Yeah. It’s not black and white. It is not black and white Eyebrow:. Amidst the thorns, they’re often flowers amidst the thorn. They’re often flowers. Just ask nature. Just ask nature. Oh, and inside me, there are thorns and flowers Inside me, there are thorns and flowers,
[00:25:21] and I’m inviting my body to hold both. I’m inviting my body to hold both Under the Nose:.
[00:25:32] I’m inviting my body to hold both. I’m inviting my body to hold Chin:. To take little bits of joy, to take little bits of joy Collarbone:. Notice what pleases me. Notice what pleases me Under the Arm:. Notice what stirs my heart. Notice what stirs my heart. Top of the Head:. Notice what makes me giggle. Notice what makes me giggle, and let that be part of the picture too, and let that be part of the picture too.
[00:26:08] It’s essential for my thriving. It’s essential for my
[00:26:17] ThrivingNow. Just when I’m tapping, I want to use a little bit of my qi to add. This matters to me to kind of open up the possibilities. Notice I touched on some different things. And you can look around in your world, like what is something that you run into on a daily basis? Uh, my morning coffee. Pretty guaranteed.
[00:26:44] Like of, of all the things that you can, like it’s morning time. Do you think Rick Rick’s gonna have a coffee? Pretty much, yes. Poll market says a hundred percent. No one will take the opposite back. Um, now if I just woke up from a bad dream, that’s a reality. My nervous system still might feel it. I tend to do some pretty deep processing in my sleep.
[00:27:14] Um, and sometimes that’s what comes up. Empathetic. People often are picking up things that, of all kinds of different energies and um. If I tap while I’m making, if I just tap a couple times on my Collarbone: as I’m making my coffee and I slow down a bit, like smell the coffee, fill the water a little more mindfully.
[00:27:44] Mm-hmm. Hear the, the gurgle that feel how much, uh, enjoyment I’ve gotten out of enjoyment. Enjoy moment, uh, I’ve gotten from that coffee maker. It’s 20, it’s 20 bucks. Um,
[00:28:05] and then just go through the first sip. I can even imagine taking a simultaneous sip with my spirit buddies, like, good morning everybody. Um, and there’s a quality of like, oh yeah, I can even start then feeling I. People I’m connected to in earlier time zones that have already up and they’re on their third cup and just loving life of, in the coffee life world, at least even as they struggle with some other thorns.
[00:28:37] Um, that’s a way of finding something that is enjoyable and using skill to let it in, let it harmonize us. Let it be a container that it builds a container for holding all of it. If I. We have wine berries in our front yard. I wrote a little email about that. If I go out to try to get some other weeds, you know, and I happen to like rub against a wine berry.
[00:29:18] They’re not two and a half inches, but they’re just, they make thistles seem like cuddle buddies, right? They just wicked weed. Um, I love the wine berries themselves. We didn’t plant those there. I like wine berries out on trails. They’re definitely a thorn. Um, a thorn gets my attention, especially physical puncturing of my body is really like, ah, um, white thorns is the one that I ran into with my, with my horse.
[00:29:49] Um.
[00:29:53] A thorn definitely gets our attention. There’s a nervous system and an endocrine system and a heart rate, and all of our body, um, will feel that, that activation. But as that gets assimilated, and I use tapping for that much of the time, sometimes I’ll sit in meditation, sometimes I’ll go for a walk. But as it starts being integrated, the thorn activation, that’s where the opportunity for me lies, is as it starts coming down, what am I bringing up?
[00:30:30] The calming of my, of my system benefits from a conferencing related to something that’s pleasing to me. When I do that, my resiliency grows. Um, I’ve noticed this acutely with my, my parenting. I notice it with the news. I notice it with, there’s squirrels in my attic. There’s squirrels in my attic. They don’t belong in my attic.
[00:31:01] Um, that was a thorn going up in the attic. It’s like a hundred degrees or so in the attic. There’s a squirrel. Oh, dear. Great. And, um, what was interesting is I came down as, I came down from the, uh, there’s squirrels in the attic. Weirdly, the universe gave me a, a picture of four teenage squirrels this morning that were having the time of their life in the tree outside.
[00:31:32] Now, they may be the squirrels that I need to get rid of. I don’t know, but interesting, wasn’t it like I remember seeing them and thinking, oh, they’re having a great time. But it was in the, coming down from the thorn that the universe, my memory, my awareness, my savvy, my skill, my whatever, my, my calling.
[00:31:54] Like I don’t want to just be stuck in the, there’s squirrels in my attic. There’s squirrels in my attic. 'cause I can’t do more than wait for tomorrow to make a call. What can come in and balance that. I’ve always loved squirrels. There was a squirrel along my paper route. I used to find big acorns and toss it to him.
[00:32:14] And I used to, I, his name may come to me, um, probably the first animal that in a long time that I had really just communicated with and developed a kinship with. And he, he knew exactly when Rick was gonna be coming with a paper and would look at me like, no nuts. Right. Really didn’t bring me anything about, I thought, had you train better than that?
[00:32:40] Well, I thought, yeah, I thought you had notice, like at squirrels on my attic, it, it, it’s not good. Definitely a thorn. And by tending to that wound or trigger, it opens us up. That’s why we come together for these workshops. That’s why this, uh, we view this as a skill is that there’s a, there’s a a like, oh yeah, I can do this, I can do this.
[00:33:15] It doesn’t come by default. But I can do this. Mm-hmm. Someone shared here when, when they aren’t in the anxiety state, they feel like they’re pretty good at holding space for thorns and good things at the same time. But it takes a lot of energy and it can take a lot of time to recharge. And there’s a couple things in there that I thought were useful to look at is one, when we’re learning a new skill, it can take a lot of energy to do it.
[00:33:40] So part of my, I’ve been doing a lot of work on tolerating things that don’t feel good and trying to balance good and, and positive and negative things at the same time. And when I first did it, it like even a second, felt like a tremendous amount of work. My nervous system just didn’t have, the neural pathways weren’t really there.
[00:33:57] It was a lot of work. I need time to recharge. Um, and then all of a sudden I was doing five seconds and then a minute I’m like, wow, that was a big jump. Like everybody does it a little differently, but often the initial effort seems very large and our human brain. Almost always is like, oh, it’s always gonna be this hard, but it’s not.
[00:34:17] Most things get easier the more we practice them. Um, so I just, just kind of putting that out there, that like building muscles sometimes it’s a lot of effort at first, but we can grow pretty quickly. However, you’re, if you’re finding that it’s draining you a lot and you’re needing a lot of time to recharge consistently, you may have some limiting beliefs in there.
[00:34:37] That it’s not safe or you don’t deserve to, or, um, and I’m curious if the person wants to share, like if you kind of be quiet with it and you notice like as I’m holding that space for both things, I’m having some anxiety or some thoughts that are coming up, or sometimes we daydream our, our brain will come up with like a, a day fantasy of like, if I do this, I’m going to be in a car.
[00:34:59] Like something bad will happen. That’s your brain trying to commu your subconscious, trying to communicate with you, Hey, this feels a little dangerous. I learned something. So for, if you notice that there’s a constant drain, there might be some belief sabotaging you. And we, I’m glad to tap on that if you, if you’d like to, um, if you notice that and bring up, let us know what that is.
[00:35:21] Um hmm.
[00:35:28] I also, I, I, I find it useful to, um, someone said. Seems like, uh, my whole life has been thorns and, and sometimes that is legit true. Um,
[00:35:52] if the desire, the asking is, I wanna live in joy with maybe occasional thorns. There, there are some useful questions like,
[00:36:07] well, if I was handling rose bushes knowing that they’re thorns, what would I do so I don’t tear my hands up? Mm-hmm. Accepting that there, there are thorns there. What can I do? And a human example is. They’re a narcissist and they’re in my family, and I’m choosing not to like, uh, break off completely. So how do I, what kind of protection?
[00:36:44] Energetically, psychologically, logistically, what’s right distance, right depth. Mm-hmm. I do not run around naked in my front yard for a variety of reasons. The wine Barry’s high on the list, like that would not feel good neighbors. Um mm-hmm. Yeah. Being arrested. Um, this, this is where we can look at, like, this feels like a thorn to me.
[00:37:12] Is it? Mm-hmm. And that it’s a tender question. It’s one that, um.
[00:37:21] If I imagine someone pointing at me and going, well, you know, that’s just not a big deal. I’m like, oh, for you, you’re gonna get my middle finger thorn. Um, the internal question of, okay, am I getting wounded here? And if I am getting wounded, what adaptation would be helpful for me?
[00:37:47] That’s, that’s the bigger question about emotional freedom and being able to recast a belief or reframe something so that it is real, more truthful without the amplification. Um.
[00:38:08] Yeah. And, and people that it takes a lot of conscious effort. Um, it means that your default program is not to find joy very easily. Okay. A lot of us were brought up that way, like we didn’t have a lot of opportunities or, I, I think that there is a, um. A lot of families think of deserving. Do you deserve, are you allowed to feel good?
[00:38:31] Is mom and dad both happy? Were you a good person today? Like there’s a, a lot of gatekeeping on what we’re allowed to enjoy or how happy we’re supposed to be because some parents just had a hard time tolerating. Like, if you’re in a really happy mood and your mom, mom or dad is struggling often they just gonna return.
[00:38:50] Like, what are you doing? You’re a bad kid. Like, look at you. So we, we internalize these messages and we often are trained to dampen down the joys unless we are given permission by an authority figure. Part of growing up and being with reality is, I don’t need someone else to tell me it’s okay for me to enjoy something.
[00:39:09] And that’s a, that’s a a step that we, you know, like it takes some growing up and some challenging those old beliefs to get there. It’s not an easy step always. Right. And, and someone said, you know, we are unpacking this. We’re trying to unpack this. And I, this is part of the co-creation that we’re doing here.
[00:39:33] Someone mentioned, I feel very considerate about other people and don’t consider myself enough. Mm-hmm. When someone writes something like that, you know, you’re in a workshop and you write something like that. Like when I write something like that, it’s like, oh, okay, that’s wisdom of myself coming forward.
[00:39:50] But that is a, that is a skill and attention issue. Mm-hmm. It may be locked in place by beliefs. It may be locked in place by, you know, just the way that we’ve grown up with the people around us. But we can reframe that as I’m a very considerate person and you know what I’ve noticed, if I am, if I also tend to myself, um, I have more consideration to offer.
[00:40:18] If I replenish myself before I run out of gas on the side of the road and have to push my car three miles to the nearest gas station, um, it works better. Like, in fact, if I fill up my gas tank before it’s even a half full, I mean half empty, um, I always feel like I’ve, oh, you need to go there. I can get you there.
[00:40:41] I don’t even have to stop. I don’t even have to stop. I’ve got plenty. And this is the, for Cathy and I, the micro steps, the baby steps. What are micro joys that, that you might find in your world that you spend 17 seconds on? Mm-hmm. That’s a, that’s a, that’s a number that, uh, you know, Abraham Hicks came up with.
[00:41:11] Um, but it feels, it feels like if. I’m walking along the trail and I’m walking. Right. I’m getting my morning mile in. Right. The first morning mile was really hard. The first 10 morning miles were really hard to get me to do. I’m up over 1500 morning miles now. Impressive. But if I’m walking along and I’m huffing and puffing up the hill and there’s the flower, I haven’t seen one of these yet all season long.
[00:41:43] It just popped out. If I go by and go, nice to see you. I got a little boost. I’m glad that I notice. Sometimes maybe I, I don’t even notice that. I don’t notice. Mm-hmm. And if I pause and spend 17 seconds or more in the. The connection with this flower that gives me a certain delight. Um,
[00:42:20] it didn’t delay me. It didn’t, it didn’t cause me to be late for anything. There’s no way that my, even my analytical brain could say, you don’t have 17 seconds right now. I just won’t walk as far. I’ll turn around and go back to the car sooner, but if I don’t take that 17 seconds, I, there’s a part of me that missed it.
[00:42:51] Right. There’s, and this isn’t an imperative, but it is an invitation to notice. Okay. Am I really focused on being so considerate for others that I don’t even notice the things that are pleasing to me. Mm-hmm. That I was considerate of myself. Oh, I have clean underwear. I was cons and I washed it. I was considerate of myself.
[00:43:21] Oh, you know, this bullet roll just went empty and I was so considerate of myself and others. You replaced it. There’s a supply within within reach. Now you may think that that’s a really shitty example,
[00:43:44] and I do notice that the things that I’m considerate about. I am considerate about my family and I order food for them. Guess what? I do get food for myself too. If you pathologically don’t include yourself and you order groceries and there’s nothing that’s nourishing for you to eat and you’re sitting there with an empty plate or only a food that you know you really isn’t good for you, that’s another thing for us to tap on.
[00:44:14] But if you notice that what you do for others in your consideration is also good for you, those are beautiful moments that honor the, the we, the enjoyment that includes the people that you care about that are maybe the primary focus of your world and you’re, you take a moment and you’re like, oh yeah, I’m the kind of person that keeps the toilet stock, toilet paper stock.
[00:44:42] Mm-hmm. I’m the kind of person that makes sure that the refrigerator has food that we can all eat, you know? 17 seconds. Try that and see whether the hard work of replenishment, um, is less onerous. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, no, I love that. I just from earlier in the chat, people were talking about when thorn’s come up, there’s resentment and grief.
[00:45:11] Um, and someone said, El said that I feel like I’m sulking community communicating with Almighty that he better fix this. And I do think that we’re often conditioned. I remember as a small child, I, I was sexually abused as a kid and I would go, my mom would take me to Sunday school and they would say that if you were good, God would take care of you.
[00:45:30] And bad things wouldn’t happen. So I don’t know how many of us have that, but I think there is kind of a mental thought process that if we’re just good enough, bad things won’t happen. And so there is a resentment and when we’re trapped in that resentment of like, this is not how should things should be, we don’t really have a lot of room for anything else.
[00:45:49] So I’d love to lead some tapping on that, if that’s okay. Rick? Yeah, so I invite you to take a deep breath. You’re welcome to tap on if, even if you don’t think this is yours, you can tap along and you might find that you’re clearing out some stuff, or if your system doesn’t have it, it’ll just be awareness that this isn’t mine.
[00:46:04] So Karate Chop:, even though I think bad things should not happen, even though a part of me thinks that bad things should not happen, I’m a good person. I’m a good person. I care. I care. I work really hard. I work really hard. Why in the hell is this bad stuff happening? Why in the hell is this bad stuff happening?
[00:46:28] Does God not care about me? Does God not care about me? Is the universe punishing me? Is the universe punishing me? Top of that, I really resent that this bad stuff is happening. I really resent that this bad stuff is happening Eyebrow:. I do not want it to happen. I do not. I so desperately do not want it to happen Side of the Eye:.
[00:46:51] I do not like this. I do not like this Under the Eye:, and part of me is just holding onto this resentment and anger, and part of me is holding onto the resentment and anger under those, I’m holding onto this grief. I’m holding onto this grief Chin:. This should not have happened. This should not have happened, Collarbone:.
[00:47:14] But it did happen. But it did happen Under the Arm:. The universe has weird combinations of things that come at us. Oh, wow. The universe has such a weird combination of things that come at us top of that, and sometimes we find blessings in even the worst things, and sometimes we can find blessings even in the worst things.
[00:47:39] Maybe I can try looking at things without so much resentment. Maybe I can look at things without so much resentment and see if there’s joy in those things too. See if there’s joy in those things too. Just take a breath. There may or may not be. There’s things that I, in my life that have happened, I don’t know if I’ll ever, but I don’t care how much I tap that I’m gonna be like, oh, I’m so glad that happened.
[00:48:03] Look at the insights I got from them. We don’t have to be there, but if we’re in a fight with ourselves and in the universe, we get kind of locked in that it should not have happened. I’m mad at you. That that’s blocking our energy from moving forward is blocking us for like, oh, bad things do happen in our world.
[00:48:22] Like none of us are gonna get through without some thorns. And if I can go, oh, there’s thorns and I’m, I’m processing, I can tap on it, I can be mad, I can have grief, I can have resentment, but let it flow and not be stuck. Then I start growing as a human and I get more capacity to deal with things and I’m more resilient and more resourceful.
[00:48:44] But as long as I’m locked in that, in that kind of like, this should not have happened. I’m angry or grief stricken and I’m not gonna let it go. There’s no, our energy can’t flow and we don’t get more resilient. We actually get really depleted. Yeah.
[00:49:01] We’re gonna take a break here in a moment. Um, we, we break up the workshop to allow for some integrations, some clarity to flow in restroom break.
[00:49:15] Cathy, you touched on and in the tapping, I can feel at times that even in the midst of something that is really painful, that the flare up is of a resentment. Mm-hmm. That there is, there’s simultaneously something else present that is meaningful to me. Mm-hmm. Um, maybe it’s not joy and sometimes in this skill it’s like, you know, I you.
[00:49:55] I don’t need to squeeze a cat turd to find out if there’s orange juice in it. 'cause I like orange juice and I like orange juice. Right. You’ll notice I use primal examples. Why, why do I use primal examples? Because the primitive brain is involved here, right? Mm-hmm. And the primitive brain kind of gets that.
[00:50:19] Yeah. And, and so thorns and joys giving yourself permission to, um, acknowledge, accept as reality that there’s this thing and, and right now I choose from my wellbeing to focus here. Mm-hmm. Even though this is so much what I don’t want to see in the world or in my home. Or in a relationship where my work, I really don’t.
[00:50:56] And I will be tending to that. Like that’s part of my tapping is, and I will be tending to that because it matters. I will be tending to that. It matters. Um, right now I choose to focus on taking a little break. Right now I choose to focus on taking a little break. I’m gonna take a little break. I’m gonna take a little break.
[00:51:16] I’m gonna move my body. I’m gonna move my body. I’m gonna feel my life force in me. I’m gonna feel my life force in me. I’m gonna see what my body might want right now. I’m gonna see what my body might want right now. Ah, and that is a good and wholesome thing. And that is a good and wholesome thing. And we’ll be back in seven minutes and we’ll be back in seven minutes to do some more tapping.
[00:51:41] Okay? We’re gonna pause the recording and we’ll be back.
[00:51:48] Welcome back. Hmm.
[00:51:56] Anchoring this sense of, of the feeling and the sensation of joy within ourselves. Um, that means the skill doesn’t demand that someone else be there. That doesn’t demand that somebody else reflect.
[00:52:16] Let’s say you really enjoy being appreciated. Mm-hmm. It’s like, I really enjoy being useful. It’s a good look for me. If I rely on other people to mirror that back always, then anytime that I am really need, needing to hold a thorn and a joy, I. Something that matters to me, something that’s enjoyable, it means that I have to turn to somebody else.
[00:52:47] And I, I am blessed. I’ve got people I ask is, could you please tell me how I’m useful to you today? Right. And, and they won’t usually completely blow me off. That’s great. I love that. And like, there’s nobody else in the house right now except the squirrels and uh, except for the squirrels. And um, and it reminded me like what I was talking about with the, the toilet paper.
[00:53:20] Are there things that, are you being useful to others may not be your, one of your joys in life. Um, what is, it could be that I. There are moments where art flows through me into pieces of paper that come together in something that is just an expression of where I was, what I was feeling, what I wanted to express.
[00:53:53] And look, there it is on my wall. I did that, I did that, I did that. I’m not even up to 17 seconds. Right. Um, and that’s not something I do, but even just like tuning to somebody that’s on the call that I know does that type of thing, like I feel better I had access to it. Mm-hmm.
[00:54:30] That that took coming more coming within. Um, in psychology terms, they talk about being internally referenced. That’s a fancy name for, I have access to my own internal guidance system, my own internal energy field. Um, it’s not, it doesn’t exist only in relation to others and only in relation to, to the thorns in my front yard and the poison ivy in my backyard and the squirrels in my attic.
[00:55:00] And, you know, what’s on the news tonight, right? Mm-hmm. That my, my sense of myself in connection to what actually matters to me is internally anchored. It’s internally strengthened, it is internally activated. I have some skill to activate it. Um, uh, that took years for me. Um, tapping help take me to the next level.
[00:55:30] I. I’m, I’m co-creating this with Cathy. This workshop was one I really wanted because, um, this is where I am, you know, and I believe that those of us that are connected to this work, we’re, we’re at the leading edge of the emotional work that a lot of people will be ready for in the years to come ready for maybe too strong.
[00:55:59] It’ll be right there in front of their face. Right. You got thorns, buddy. And what and what else can you notice that reflects your character, your, your heartistry?
[00:56:26] I. I, I can look over here and there’s this beautiful red blanket. Um, Cathy gave it to me. She knows it’s my color. That’s my red, that’s my red. And she told me like, don’t, don’t throw it in the washer and dryer, or you’ll just have a big pile of puff balls. Yeah. Don’t, don’t. It’ll fall apart. Now I can look at it as a symbol of what Cathy gave me, and that feels good, but you know what, if I anchor it inside, it’s like I have cultivated a relationship with this beautiful being where we’ve exchanged things and that that’s a natural part of it, and that’s who I am.
[00:57:15] I’m capable of that, and I haven’t, I have a living example in my world of how I’ve shown up for almost two decades. And sometimes that shows up in tangible ways and sometimes it shows up in the energy that I can feel. One is kind of like, oh, Cathy and the energy that comes to me. Mm-hmm. And the other is a reflection of, oh, you know, I am that guy.
[00:57:48] Yeah. We co-created the relationship. You, you, we both were part of it. Right. And that can be like, yeah. Completing a circuit inside of recognition and appreciation. Um.
[00:58:07] Yeah. Appreciation is a great solvent for a lot of, a lot of things that get in the way. Mm-hmm. Um, I love what someone shared, and I love to do a little tapping on it. If you’re, if that lines up with you. Um, someone shared that they get locked into positions, nobody ever listened to them, so they’re just gonna make sure that they’re not backing down.
[00:58:24] I’m gonna hold onto this and that. It’s often this person shared that feels like an inner child. Our younger parts of ourselves, we all have different parts of ourselves that are more or less healed. And, um, sometimes those, you know, it’s like if I give in on this, if I look at the good, then I’m kind of saying it was okay what happened?
[00:58:42] And for some of us there was injustice and there were things that weren’t fair and weren’t right. And there can be the feeling like if I, if I start noticing anything good that’s somehow condoning what happened, or saying that, you know. I don’t know that it was okay somehow. And I, I think that there can be a lot of resistance.
[00:59:02] I often feel that too, and I just love to lead some happy on that. So I invite you to take a deep breath, take care of yourself. Um, you know, just notice what feels right. You can change the words, modify them, Karate, Chop:, even though I have this all or nothing, thinking, even though I have this all or nothing thinking, I cannot give in, I can’t give in.
[00:59:27] It was not just or right what happened to me. It wasn’t just or right what happened to me. And I will not forgive or forget, and I will not forgive or forget. It feels like if I notice anything good about this subject. It feels like if I notice anything good about this subject, I’m giving in. I’m giving in.
[00:59:50] I will not give in. I will not give in. You can’t make me, you cannot make me top of that. I will only notice the bad things. I won’t only notice the bad things. I, bro, you can’t make me see anything good about this. You can’t make me see anything good about this or else Side of the Eye:. I’m holding on forever.
[01:00:10] I’m holding on forever Under the Eye:. And that’s my right and that’s my right Under the Nose:. I can hold on forever. That’s true. I can hold on forever. And, and it wasn’t right what happened and it wasn’t, wasn’t right what happened. Collarbone:, and I’m really strong and I’ve become really strong Under the Arm:.
[01:00:35] I know it wasn’t right. I know it wasn’t right. Top of the Head:. What if I can see good things and still know something was wrong? What if I can see good things and still know that something was wrong? I brow, the sun’s still shining on me. The sun is still shining on me Side of the Eye:. That’s not about the bad thing they did.
[01:00:57] That’s not about the bad thing they did Under the Eye:. The birds are singing today. The birds are singing today Under the Nose:. That has nothing to do with how bad they were. That has nothing to do with how bad they were. Tim, what if I can let some joy into my life? What if I can let some joy into my life Collarbone: without ever admitting that they were okay without ever saying that they were okay?
[01:01:23] My inner child doesn’t ever have to say it was all right. What that what they did. My inner child never has to say it was all right what they did, Top of the Head:, and maybe I can still find joy in my life as well. Maybe I can still find joy in my life as well. Just take a nice deep breath. If you find you have a lot of resistance on this, on ThrivingNow, there’s resistance tapping that Rick recorded years ago, and it’s very helpful.
[01:01:50] I will do that. Sometimes I’ll just sit there and go, you can’t make me, you can’t make me. No, no, no, no. Like, oh, I’ll go through it a bunch of times. I’m kind of spitting at the camera or whatever. Um, if you have a lot of resistance, give that voice. Let it have voice. But if we can, the more we can say like, wow, that was really unjust and wrong.
[01:02:12] I don’t have to forgive them, but I can also let joy into my life. Or I can just notice some things that were good in parallel. Because I often think sometimes things happen that are so horrific that it seems like the world should pause in this moment. It should not go on. It should pause and notice how awful this thing is, but it doesn’t.
[01:02:35] At the same time, this horrific thing is happening. The sun is shining, there’s a flower blooming, and sometimes to me it feels very ironic and I’m frustrated and angry about it. And other times I’m so grateful that both can be happening at the same time. And I think that’s like something humans struggle with.
[01:02:56] It’s like, how can the world not pause when this horrible grief stricken thing is happening? How can we not just like all like stop and acknowledge it, but the person down the street doesn’t even know what happened? Even though it’s so impactful to our life? And I struggle with it still some days, there’s days where I’m like, no.
[01:03:17] How can we have any joy when this horrible, horrible thing happened? But this, the joy is still happening there. And when we can be with reality in a balanced way, yes, the, this cup of thorns is very, very deep. Sometimes it feels like, like, no, stop. I wanna get off or like, make this not happen. When we have the capacity to, and we stretch ourselves so that we can, yes, this cup of thorns is very, very deep.
[01:03:48] We also get a very deep cup of joy. I do think that we get, there’s people I notice that kind of skim across the surface of life and they’re not really, I don’t know, I. There’s nothing wrong. Everybody gets different experiences. I, I like to think we have many lifetimes to have different experiences and maybe next time, lifetime I’ll want a, a easy one.
[01:04:10] But I do think that they, the pain we experience often helps us have deeper cups. If we can process and heal through them, it doesn’t mean that it was right, that it happened. It didn’t mean that that person should have done that or that we deserved what happened. But when we process through, I think just the process of living grinds, the cups steeper, so we have more room to, like, I.
[01:04:36] Uh, this morning I was sitting in my hot tub and I was, I had read some of the news and I was just like, oh my God, what’s happening? But I went out to my hot tub and I just felt the breeze on my skin and the birds were singing and the sunshine was there, and it just, it was, I was, I had space to give myself that moment of just being with what is right now.
[01:04:57] And I felt much more nourished. And I came in and wrote a letter to my congressman and like, please, you know, take, look at this. This is important. Um, and sometimes my brain does not wanna see. Both things could happen at once. It’s like, this is so bad. How can we possibly have joy? But the universe is kind of like that.
[01:05:17] It lets us have both at the same time if we allow ourselves to open up to that. I don’t know if that’s useful, but something I’ve been thinking about a lot. Like I said, that’s, feels like these are things that are alive.
[01:05:35] Situations are change quickly for people and sometimes it’s deeply personal. Mm-hmm. You have, everything’s going along fine and then all of a sudden there’s a health crisis or uh, maybe it’s not even yourself, but it’s a situation or you’re doing great at work, you love your work, you showed up every day and then they shut down down your division.
[01:05:59] Mm-hmm. Because, because all the reasons. Right. Significant thorn. One of the things that has helped me with that is, uh,
[01:06:15] someone mentioned in our child, if, to me there’s a sense of. Pleasure is not the right word, but there’s a sense of
[01:06:31] recognition of myself becoming the man that I needed when I was a child, and for each of us, that if we’re in the process of becoming the human that we needed as a child, we’re also in the process today of becoming the human that we’ll need in the future too. Mm-hmm. And that is comforting to me. And I’ll, I’ll, I’ll do, like I’ve, I’ve become stronger.
[01:06:58] I have become stronger Eyebrow:. I’m collecting wisdom. I’m collecting wisdom Under the Eye: and practicing skills that matter. I’m practicing skills that matter Under the Eye:.
[01:07:16] I’m accepting my imperfection. I’m accepting my imperfections Under the Nose:. I’m learning to accept the uncertainties. I’m learning to accept the uncertainties and the stuff that really is not the way I want it, and the things that are really not the way I want them call. I’m building resilience for my future self.
[01:07:37] I’m building resilience for my future self. Under the Arm: just like me 10 years ago, did just like me 10 years ago, did Top of the Head:. And 20 years ago, and 20 years ago, Eyebrow:. I so appreciate all the strength I’ve built already. I so appreciate all the strength I’ve built already Under the Eye:, and I’m continuing that and I am continuing that Under the Eye:.
[01:08:03] It matters to me. It matters to me. It matters to me to be wise and emotionally savvy. It matters to me to be wise and emotional. Sa, emotionally savvy. And my future self will thank me for what I’m doing. My future self will thank me for what I’m doing. I’ll integrate what is good for me. I’ll integrate what is good for me and let the rest pass by and let the rest pass by.
[01:08:30] I appreciate who I’ve already become. I appreciate who I’ve already become Top of the Head:, and it’s okay for me to savor that each day. It is okay for me to savor that each day and make that part of my, my practice and make that part of my practice.
[01:08:53] Uh,
[01:08:57] um, I’ve known Carol look for even longer than I’ve known Cathy. Um, and her second book is called, well, I can’t really see it, it’s called, yes, thank You. Kind of Flu Flutters in. Um, and I got it early. Chance to read it. Um,
[01:09:20] I’ve avoided a gratitude practice even though she’s taught it. And like I, I feel like I was using gratitude, like savoring and, you know, grateful for my life. So it wasn’t that I was ungrateful, not that binary, grateful, ungrateful, but there was something about the way that, that Carol talked about it that I recognized that at the end of my day, particularly at the end of my day when, you know, the energy of the day as the sun goes down and the family goes off to to bed and I’m getting ready, that there was a gap there.
[01:10:01] Mm-hmm. And, um, so now for the last 91 days, um, and it was really hard at first.
[01:10:16] I allowed myself to spend time feeling for what I wanted to remember. Mm-hmm. Remember I started, I said sometimes I wake up with pretty intense nightmares that is reduced dramatically in the last 90 days. It’s, it’s palpable. I, I know that because I sit down and I, I think of moments, just moments
[01:10:49] standing there in the very hot attic. I’m there with, um, my boy, and we look at each other and go, that’s a squirrel.
[01:11:03] You know? It was like, that’s not good.
[01:11:11] And just that moment is one that’s worthy for me to remember. And even the squirrel teenagers playing, you know, and, um, this moment with you all. Mm-hmm. This, this time. Um, and I don’t put myself under pressure. You know, one of those days is like, this fucking day is over.
[01:11:43] That’s the only bullet point. I was so grateful he’d stop. There’s the bullet point, close the laptop, go off to bed, and I slept great that night.
[01:11:57] I was like, yeah, but to, to, and I don’t necessarily look for joys. They’re enjoyments, right? They’re things that mattered to me. Um, and sometimes they’re not pretty ones. My daughter went through a dental surgery and I remember they’re trying to take the IV out and she is fighting like a banse. She had just come out of anesthesia.
[01:12:33] She had been resting in her mom’s arm and they needed to take the IV out, and she was just like gnawing, growling, um, wow. Little thing.
[01:12:53] And I am, I remember seeing, you know, the understanding on her mom’s face and seeing the skill. The professionalism and connection of the nurse and the nurses that came over to help. Um, but really what I noticed for myself was I understand that her primitive brain under anesthesia did not want them to pierce and give her an iv, and that the animal in her was delayed response, letting that out.
[01:13:34] And in all of my work with trauma, I understood in that moment, and I could sit and hold space rather than just be distraught that she’s acting this way or embarrassed or ashamed. I don’t know. There’s all kinds of stories that I could touch on that a dad could feel in that moment be dominant, you know, to a child who’s, you know, just right in her primitive brain.
[01:14:02] And that made my list of. That an enjoyment, uh, did feeling satisfying in a way. Yeah, it was, it was real. It was rich and, you know, she was okay. You know, she could, if she could fight, like, and, you know, I, I’m actually. Glad to have a daughter that can fight like that, that as and hasn’t had that suppressed out of her.
[01:14:34] Yeah. Um, so many parents raised by, you know, teaching kids collapse, submit fawn, and then those, the trauma bubbles happen and then the inner child is trapped in time. Someone sharing, like it doesn’t, it’s how can I appreciate a flower when I feel like I’m in this little, this bubble of this horrible thing.
[01:14:52] And I love that you’ve raised a daughter that is just she’ll, she is spunky. She’s not, I. Collapse Sumit. She’s like, no, I’ll do this is wrong. I’ll fight you. And I, I just, I love that. I wonder how many of us would be very different if we hadn’t had to unlearn those patterns and fight to get our inner children to now.
[01:15:14] So like in the present reality, because those, they talk a lot about this, about how the trauma bubbles are in our subconscious and they’re acting as if it’s real. Like it hap, it feels like it’s happening currently, but they’re stuck in the past. They, you know, someone said, how can I enjoy the flowers now when I’m part of me is still truck stuck in that?
[01:15:35] And, you know, just, just tapping on what’s, I’m really mad at you. I won’t forgive this. I refuse. Giving space for that is really powerful so that we can get to a space where we could be like this 4-year-old who nailed her dad in the head with a diaper from across the room. Yeah, she came home and she took off her diaper and she’s like 15 feet away, wraps it up in a ball and throws it and whacks me right in the forehead.
[01:16:01] Like, wow, what an arm. Just outta surgery, you know? And, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She wants to be listened to. And also there’s just, there’s an intelligence in the process and, and if I look at the question, thorns and joys question mark, um, it opens me, there’s a quality of there probably is both here. There’s, even if I can’t feel it, I can’t tap into it.
[01:16:49] Chances are. This day had had some things that are worth memory. And the day a, the morning after I had my meditation after the, you know, the, this day is fucking over. Um, what was interesting was that in the meditation, I started collecting those points and went back and put an and dot, dot dot. Mm-hmm. And, and made note of, I guess it was two or three things that provided the, and there, not just the thorns and the recovery of it.
[01:17:30] Yeah. I think that’s really powerful and I really would, I would love to remind people and make sure that it’s clear. This is not about shaming you if you can’t do it, there’s nothing wrong if you’re not able to step into this right now. It’s just like a barometer or like a gas tank signal on your car that there might be things in the way that there might be old traumas that need to be healed, beliefs that might be in the way.
[01:17:57] So a lot of this, a lot of. What we do is like, let’s practice a little bit, try it out. If there’s a lot of resistance, let’s kind of figure out what that resistance is and clear it. But don’t, you know, the idea isn’t for you to beat yourself up if you’re not able to go, oh, this day it really sucks, you know?
[01:18:15] And a lion is gnawing on my leg and it really hurts, but I’m going to try to appreciate the flowers like. It’s not how it works, it’s just an invitation to, um, and, and Rick and I often bring up things that we wanna expand on and strengthen for ourselves too. It’s like, how can we be a little more open to that?
[01:18:33] How can we practice that a little bit in the times where it’s appropriate and give ourselves the space to have both? Um, and again, it’s if a Tiger’s GNA on your leg, you’re probably not going to be able to do that. Maybe some advanced Buddhist practitioner can, but I’m not there. Um, so if, if you can, like, I think people that come to our calls tend to be very, um, driven in terms of healing and wanting to be very, you know, like, we wanna get there and it’s okay to not be there yet, to give yourself some space to go.
[01:19:08] I’m not gonna forgive them. I’m not gonna be joyful about this for right now, but. Maybe get curious about why you’re holding onto that and give yourself some space to express, like someone said about Adera, just wanting to be heard. Parts of you, those inner children, they just want to be heard and then once they’re heard and have some space to breathe and heal, they might be willing to hang out and enjoy the flowers.
[01:19:35] Mm-hmm. Hmm. Thank you all. Um, our inbox is open Support at ThrivingNow dot com comes to both Cathy and myself. Um, we’re looking at future topics, so for those of you that are regular engagers here, helping co-create and holding space, if there are things that are really alive for you that feel like some skillful practice and engagement would be useful, we’d love to hear those.
[01:20:07] Um, and yeah. Um. I’m excited to see where this goes. Thank you for helping me be, um, in this work, in this depth, as you said, Cathy, uh, there’s a,
[01:20:27] I’m profoundly grateful. I have such exquisitely sensitive, empathetic sensors,
[01:20:40] and for me, this workshop is part of the skill of being that kind of person, being aware at such depth, so much, whether they’re thorns or just awarenesses, that we’re holding as a hope and an intention that they, that people will be healed and suffering be released and that the world, uh. Be more thriving for all of us and safe and respectful and free, um, while living, actually living a non tormented life.
[01:21:20] If our life has
[01:21:27] squirrels in the attic, but they’re not attacking me, you know, there’s something to tend to. Um, we tend to our, our health, we tend to our relationships, we tend to things that matter to us. Um, and we do both. Uh, I, I can’t divorce myself, separate myself from all that I’m aware of, but I can learn to find the, the sweeter place.
[01:21:58] And I believe that, that those of us that are doing that in increments over decades are blazing the trail that will allow for other people. Who recognize
[01:22:16] something that’s painful and can feel our our energetic pathway, or, yes, we can, we can tend to that and go deep in that. A lot of our work is around that. And while you’re doing that,
[01:22:37] there are other things that you already are, that you’ve already become, that are in your world, which you can also be nourished, cleansed, and supported, and smile about. Yeah. Happy squirrels. Happy squirrels. Yeah, and I really appreciate everybody hanging. This is a, this is a complex and subtle discussion and just if you can give yourself a little appreciation for showing up and participating and digging into this, there’s a lot of people, like Rick said, a bunch of people on subscribe.
[01:23:11] Like, that’s not for me away. So you rock. Yeah. Thank you all 'til next time.
[01:23:19]
Great to have you on this journey with us!