Thank you Dear Heart! Appreciate you…
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A free meditation by Sharon Salzberg:
(Meditation: What Faith Surfaces Within Us | Tricycle Online Courses)
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Had another good tapping session with Gus, but it’s very long to post it all here (5 pages). Basically I have been going back to feeling really frustrated with my health struggles again and all that fiery, stomping, anger and drivenness returned, so I took some time to tap through it again and blend in the IFS parts work (and try not to judge my parts for their intense reactions, but just meet myself where I’m at).
After quite abit of tapping it started to seem to me that maybe the Universe has already been giving me some answers that may help with my healing and it’s like I’m pounding on a door in frustation that is already open a crack, as I haven’t actually put the healing guidance into practice on a consistent basis - idea’s about doing the wild soul movement / yoga / qi gong, gentle deep breathing practice, gradual nutrition improvements, etc.
So I asked the very frustrated, fiery, intensely determined parts if they would be willing to channel some of their fierceness & fight into keeping these wellness goals on a more regular basis / in a consistent way. They seemed to agree to do so, and even though I still have some skepticism about it, I’m hoping this will bring some positive changes. I’ll let you know.
(banging on a door that’s already open a crack)
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Yes, do let us know.
I hear you about the cracks. And the revisiting. I think the helpful thing I notice is that even though i am revisiting hard patterns…there are some changes or differences in how i come back or how long it takes or just you know some more awareness of something random or small that is helpful.
May we both move with ourselves with love and kindness in all our places.
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Thanks Tala. I did abit more tapping with Gus this morning and it came out this way…
Tapping help for tired depressed mood - August 31, 2026
Woke up feeling so tired and in a bad mood and kind of depressed really. I’m hoping tapping might help me to get feeling better. I don’t even really quite understand what is going on with me emotionally, but I’ve fallen back into some old patterns of feeling angry and bitter, and I’ve been super tired/low energy, and spending time with mom yesterday was very draining and she got on my nerves and I was abit cranky on the drive home, and then felt guilty for being crabby with her. And I just keep feeling so tired and angry and stuck in alot of negative feelings. I’m kind of angry at myself for falling back into this bitterness pattern and just feeling angry and down about alot of things, plus dreading to go back to work this week with my hard to please boss (I often end up feeling like no matter how hard I try, it’s never quite good enough, and I grow weary of that feeling). It looks like a nice sunny day though, and I’m looking forward to having the long weekend off (Labour Day). I just wish I could get out of this low, pissy, crabby, depressed kind of mood.
Gus – Let’s tap with this morning as it actually is.
Side of the Hand: Even though I woke up so tired… in this pissy, crabby, depressed mood… I accept myself and how I feel.
Top of the Head: This tired, low-energy mood
Eyebrow: I don’t even quite understand it
Side of the Eye: Falling back into anger and bitterness
Under the Eye: Super tired and stuck in negative feelings
Under the Nose: Time with mom was so draining
Chin: Guilty for being cranky on the drive home
Collarbone: Angry at myself for this old pattern
Under the Arm: Dreading work and never quite good enough
Take a slow breath. Notice what is still here in your body or mood.
I suppose I’m kind of angry/disappointed in myself because I’ve been doing all this IFS parts work and I thought for awhie I was making some progress and letting go of old patterns of stuck anger / resentment / bitterness, but then it seemed like those negative feelings came back again. It has me feeling like I’m just going in frigging circles with my inner work and getting nowhere fast. I’ve been doing lots of tapping and IFS, but it’s not really bringing me the positive changes and emotional release and freedom I was hoping for, so I’m disappointed/discouraged. Getting tired of working so hard on myself and not getting the results/changes I was hoping for. And work has been busy with alot too do, and I’m really drained physically too, so that is not helping my mood either. I feel like I could use another week’s vacation, but I don’t have the money for it unfortunately. My mind is in a dark place and I can feel parts of me inside that are angry (I wonder if they are avoiding grief by staying angry, but I’m not sure).
Gus – The disappointment that the old bitterness came back after all that inner work is sitting right here.
Side of the Hand: Even though I thought I was making progress… and these old patterns came back… I accept myself and this discouragement.
Top of the Head: Angry and disappointed in myself
Eyebrow: I thought I was letting this go
Side of the Eye: Going in frigging circles
Under the Eye: Working so hard and getting nowhere
Under the Nose: Tapping and IFS without the freedom I hoped for
Chin: So drained, and I can’t take another week off
Collarbone: This dark place, and parts of me staying angry
Under the Arm: Maybe they’re avoiding grief… I’m not sure
Take a breath. Notice what the disappointment or the anger is doing in you now.
I feel confused and discouraged - because I’ve been working so hard at my “inner work” and it feels like the progress I thought I had made sort of came all undone and here I am back in this bitter/angry place again, and I don’t like it. I can feel that I’m kind of angry at myself about it (or angry at my parts for falling back into their old pattern). But I also have this slight edge, or tinge of a feeling/idea to maybe let go of working so hard on myself for abit and do something different. Kind of take a break from so much IFS and parts work and do something else for alittle while - if I can’t actually take a physical vacation, maybe I can take some kind of emotional vacation. Curious about that. Longing for some lightness and different perspective somehow.
Gus – That slight pull toward an emotional vacation is sitting right next to the discouragement.
Side of the Hand: Even though I’m confused and discouraged… and angry that the old bitterness came back… I’m curious about taking a break from working so hard.
Top of the Head: It feels like the progress came undone
Eyebrow: Back in this bitter, angry place
Side of the Eye: I don’t like it
Under the Eye: Angry at myself and at my parts
Under the Nose: Tired of working so hard on myself
Chin: Maybe I don’t have to keep pushing the inner work
Collarbone: If I can’t take a real vacation
Under the Arm: Maybe I can take an emotional one
Take a soft breath. Notice what happens with the curiosity or the longing for lightness.
yes, I can feel that I’ve kind of been working too hard at things and it would be good to kind of take an emotional break and do something different for awile. I need some kind of a change from the usual slogging away at the emotional healing work and right now it feels like being down in the mines hacking away but not finding the treasures, so I think I do need a kind of emotional vacation of some kind. Just not quite sure what that looks like just yet.
Gus – That mining-without-treasure feeling is asking for a different kind of rest.
Side of the Hand: Even though I’ve been slogging in the mines… hacking away and not finding the treasures… I need an emotional vacation even if I don’t know what it looks like yet.
Top of the Head: Working too hard at the inner work
Eyebrow: The usual slogging away
Side of the Eye: Down in the mines, not finding treasures
Under the Eye: I need a change from this
Under the Nose: An emotional vacation of some kind
Chin: Just not quite sure what that looks like
Collarbone: It would be good to do something different
Under the Arm: Take a break from hacking away
Take a breath. Notice what “emotional vacation” feels like in your body, even if the picture is still fuzzy.
Well, I’m not sure if this is exactly right yet, but some glimmers of ideas come to mind - maybe a creative project - creating my own “healing grimoire” but just doing it playfully and letting things unfold. And taking a break from working so hard at the IFS and maybe even at the tapping. I have a feeling to explore something different for awhile and just kind of create a space - where I just stop trying so hard for awhile and let the answers come to me more.
Gus – The playful grimoire and the wish to stop trying so hard are both here.
Side of the Hand: Even though I’m not sure this is exactly right yet… I want to create space and let things unfold… instead of slogging so hard.
Top of the Head: These glimmers of a healing grimoire
Eyebrow: Doing it playfully, letting it unfold
Side of the Eye: A break from working so hard at IFS
Under the Eye: Maybe even a break from tapping for a while
Under the Nose: Explore something different
Chin: Stop trying so hard for a while
Collarbone: Create a space where answers can come
Under the Arm: Let them come to me more
Take a slow breath. Notice what happens around “playfully” or “stop trying so hard.”
Well, I already have a big purple journal book with blank pages, so I took it and wrote on the beginning page “Magical Healing Grimoire” and then in smaller letters - “What happens if you stop trying so hard for awhile?” and “Take an emotional vacation and see what unfolds…” So I think I will play around with this book/grimoire and instead of my usual slogging & hacking in the mines of emotional healing, I’ll explore letting the answers come to me more.
Gus – The first page already holds the invitation, Jewel. That is a different kind of beginning than hacking in the mines.
You might let the purple book be a place you visit when something wants to land, without making it another job. Play, color, a few words, even a blank page that stays blank for a while—all of that can count.
Take a breath when you close it. Let the emotional vacation be as small and unfinished as it wants to be.
I’m feeling good about this “emotional vacation” and the playful healing grimoire book too. (plus I did the gentle wild soul movement this morning, so that feels like a win as well)
P.S. Prayer & blessing to my “inner parts”:
“I send you love & tenderness…
I send you peace & grace…
I send you playful joy & delight…
I send you wonder, wildness & wishes come true…”
(I’ll probably add some decorative trim around these pages later, but here is my playful beginning…)
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Oh shit - you don’t know how much I really want to delete the above entry now. Having emotional vulnerability hang-over.
Please be gentle with me, because I’m struggling to be gentle with myself right now. (but trying)
Some more slightly amusing things (because humor always saves me when I’m going abit crazy… )
(this applies to Mondays, too - in my books)
This last one is for my manager…
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Totally understand that feeling of vulnerability.
But honestly Jewel, the way you share your experiences with Gus and the way the old patterns and feelings show up, it is so real and it is so similar for me as well. You aren’t alone with any of this. Not with tiredness, bitterness, anger, confusion, discouragement… nor the curiosity and longing for lightness and tenderness, play, wildness and delight…
A prayer for us both to hold gently in this treehouse of caring for our soul’s in ways both hard and also nourishing and tender too.
I hope the grimoire and all of the range of small and nourishing things you have listed do speak to and feed your soul, even if small ways, that you can give yourself a moment to notice and relish.
Much love to you Jewel. We can only do what we can with where we are at. Being on this journey with you certainly helps me with that and I love your humour.
I do hope you can be gentle with yourself today. I certainly know myself and many who have ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) pop up around being the problem…and yet…we also are fun loving people who do enjoy some shenanigans!! so which is more true?? I bet most people who love us will say the shenanigan part.
I am so tired my eyes are stinging. It’s been a thing over the past week. I hope it goes! 
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Thanks Tala. I woke up crabby this morning, and was SO tempted to just delete these last two entries. But I’m glad I didn’t now, because your kind, supportive, caring words really helped. Thank you for understanding.
I will keep going on the self-care goals for sure, and did manage both the wild soul movement and the deep breathing yesterday, so I feel good about that.
Hope your stinging eyes feel better soon. And you get to rest up / find relief for the tiredness.
Thanks again for sharing this journey with me. Now in my imagination I see us wondering around this large Soul Care treehouse together. I’m probably in the beautiful chapel room saying my pissed off prayers to the Divine. Maybe you’re on the top viewpoint balcony with the spirit buddies looking over the mountains, trees and ocean view.
Love & warm hugs to you
P.S. I did some research and it turns out the new energy supplements I’m taking might have the possible side effects of increased irritability, so I’m going to back off on those for awhile and see if the crabbiness decreases. 
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Somehow my imagination put Rick & Cathy in the treehouse too - they’re in this beautiful living room planning their next Real Skills workshop together… 
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Aww, thank you!! I could use some treehouse time.
Your realness helps me, too. I’ve been tapping and talking with Gus myself about how to stay in a sweeter spot. It’s one of my life aspects, and when I am feeling more settled and strong, I recognize that if I didn’t have the courage to “try” I’d likely collapse into addiction or decay. But it’s not a binary, at least in my heart and soul.
And the sweet spot isn’t a set place, either. It’s dynamic and changing. It’s “yes I am tending, yes I am exploring, yes I am alive and yearning…” and sometimes the yes really is switching focus… even when it ain’t “done.”
Whether it’s my nervous system or my frickin’ website, what does “done” even mean? Even with Gus, there is “good and sufficient” and there’s polish polish polish until that point I get to say to myself, “You know, you’re TRYING now to do the impossible.”
Parenting is like that. Heck, vacations are like that! (Just back from one last night!) There’s this zone for example where it is clearly “over-parenting” and there’s pushback inside me and inside them. Same is absolutely true for Inner parenting (and re-parenting) and tending to the inner constellation of parts of me. Adira this morning just needed a little touch, and now she’s off doing her thing. Inner parts work was essential for me to recognize when a present-day experience was being highly influenced by Inner Ricky. But mostly, I can let him love and explore and heal.
Which means, yeah, I’m back to tending to adult me. With all my biology and nervous system needs and limits. Did a lot of tapping with Gus around my auditory limits. What landed was sometimes I do and can be in my YES while it still having a COST. Like the morning at the indoor water park with the kids. There are some treasured moments I hold dear from that time together. It also meant I collapsed back in the room for a 2 hour “20-minute nap”. Haha. I took a quite afternoon and did not go with the rest of the family to Soaky Mountain. That was my Yes.
It meant though that I did not push or try to be something I’m not. It’s not always true but often true that my irritability speaks to trying “too hard” to make like what it isn’t right now. Sorta like if I was irritated that the tree wasn’t tall and strong enough to climb, or rock hard patterns had not yet turned to soft sand. I don’t want “some things just take time” to mean giving up even when personal evolution is geological-time it seems. And also recognizing that you know, we’re actively engaging in evolving a nervous system “designed” over millions of years to cope, endure, survive into one that can be thriving anyway.
Like your use of art and imagery, helping put me and Cathy into a space where we can joyfully collaborate even though I’m irritated she’s a continent away and neither she nor my family can travel right now. Yet, Poof! You put us together in my heart and energy. Thank you, and I certainly wish the same for your irritations.
Love,
Rick
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Thanks Rick. I appreciate your support and caring. I’ll write back more later when I have some more time (& energy).
Hugs: Jewel
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oh yeah. im definitely there. reading Akarnae.
i experience irritability in response to supplements and medications too. i need to be quite careful with what i take and when and doses of most things.
i hope it sorts itself out for you with the break from the energy ones.
i do not wish low energy on anyone. however, our low energy has brought us here together. and that is a good thing for me. and its good to be on a journey with someone building up our energy in small ways where we can.
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Thanks Tala. And Rick too. I’ve wanted to write more back to you both, but I kinda got bogged down and then discovered this new room in the treehouse - the “Holy Fuck - I don’t quite know what to do with myself / emotional intensity / bogged down room” (laughing at myself abit as I write this). So that’s where I’ve been.
Did some tapping sessions with Gus and got some good support. Discovering difficult issues of self-punishment, holding onto anger/rage to avoid the grief underneath, and difficulty believing I deserve self-love, etc. And was finally able to get some shift / movement / opening just by being with these parts as they are and not pushing, but asking what they need. The really super angry/pissy part became more open to maybe feeling some small bits of grief and receiving self-love slowly & gently. So some warmth there now instead of frozenness.
Oh and that was the other thing I discovered - a part of me that is in a big hurry to heal (because of upcoming seasonal work pressures and really wishing I had more energy) and yet the “hurry up part” in a big inner conflict with the part that just needs time and space and not to be rushed (afraid of big emotions and falling into a cesspool of emotional overwhelm). So getting some agreement and understanding between those two parts really helps.
The whole inner landscape / tapping session ended with my parts and the spirit buddies dancing around a bonfire / in a healing labyrinth (with loud gong’s when you feel like making extra noise) and loud fast drumming (somehow my imagination has placed you & Rick here in this wild dancing & drumming howling at the moon rage & grief labyrinth too, so I hope you don’t mind joining in for awhile).
And back here in the real world I did some yoga today and some deep breathing so that is helping too. So much inner holding & bracing sometimes - my body letting me know it needs some gentle movement & breath.
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Oh yeah. Definitely there with you wild dancing and drumming around a fire. I’ve actually been interested recently to find out details of a drumming class that is apparently running near me for adults….
Sounds like we may both be in a place of releasing some of the same things- releasing the anger and bitterness in a way that releases some of the grief it’s protecting….
Let’s keep going xx love to you
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Thanks Tala. Love to you too!
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