Beautiful. Listening to that song you posted and looking at these pictures. I love how Rick is touching Cathy and Bernie in the restaurant pic - everyone is connected. And, what a love story between Bernie and Jean. Love their selfies. Edward (their son) texted me a picture of a birthday card that they gave him that was a joke about him being adopted. I told him how lucky he is to have such fun parents. <3
I went digging in my texts for another pic to share with you all and Jean must have picked out this one!
Jean used to love sharing pictures when she would make a big batch of soup, and sometimes I would share a few food pictures back. Made a big pot of chicken vegie soup today, Jean. Thought you would enjoy this…
That soup looks amazing, @Jewel! This morning I remembered Jean used to send me this song on Spotify – she said she loved it. I think she wanted us to listen to it today on a Saturday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfLhQVsNvQw
I’m a bit stuck around what to do here. Jean before she died had asked me if I was willing to be the “legacy contact” for her facebook page. I said yes, but we never got it done. She didn’t want her work to just disappear, which I believe is what happens if, for example, someone reports to Facebook that the person has died and there is no legacy contact assigned. I am not positive on that, but it is a recollection from researching.
As far as I can tell no one has yet posted about hers and Bernie’s death on her personal profile or her page. Every time I consider doing it myself, I get a no, but nothing clearer than that.
@Jewel and @Dru do you have any notions about who, what, how on this? All I get from Her is, “It’s ok right like it is.” Which is reassuring and also does not feel like the place I can stand fully.
Thank you for raising this. I’ve been holding it too, and I looked into what Facebook allows so we have some clarity.
The good news is that memorializing her personal profile doesn’t make her work disappear. Her posts and photos stay up, the word “Remembering” appears next to her name, and friends can still visit and leave tributes. It also stops things like birthday reminders from popping up for people.
Since the legacy contact never got set up, no one will be able to manage the profile once it’s memorialized. That means no pinned post and no changes, so it would stay just as she left it. In a way, that echoes what you’re hearing: “It’s ok right like it is.”
To memorialize it, we would need to submit a request to Facebook along with proof of her death, such as an obituary. I haven’t seen one yet, but we could ask her son whether one has been written.
One more thing worth knowing: if Jean also has a Facebook Page (the separate public page people “follow” for her work, as opposed to the personal profile where people “friend” her), that’s handled differently. If she was the only admin of that Page, Facebook may remove it once her personal profile is memorialized. If preserving her work there matters, it may be worth saving what we can before anyone submits a request.
In the meantime, I noticed that at least one of her friends is wondering where she might be, which tells me people are looking for her and don’t know. What would you think about the three of us posting something together on her profile now? A short, loving note sharing that Jean and Bernie have passed could give her community a place to gather and grieve, and none of us would have to carry it alone.
Hi Rick & Dru - I didn’t really know how things worked with Facebook when someone dies. But doing a quick look on the help center it looks like what Dru said - someone will have to let them know that Jean & Bernie have passed with an official document of some kind (death certificate or obituary) and request memorialization.
If Jean’s son, Ed, is willing to contact Facebook and let them know he wants memorialization, then maybe we can post something to let others know.
I’m open to posting something together, I just want to make sure there is a way for Jean’s account to stay and not get deleted.
I’m really tired tonite and my brain is not working quite right, but I’m open to finding ways to work this out together, I just don’t have alot of energy to think it through right now.
Sending you both warm hugs and peace.
P.S. Okay I looked into it alittle bit more and it seems likes it’s okay for us to go ahead and write a short, loving note to let others know Jean & Bernie have passed, as long as Ed is okay with us doing that.
Something to consider though is that people may have questions and Ed may not be up for answering them all:
Some thoughtful suggestions from Google:
To post the announcement on your friend’s Facebook page while protecting her son from a flood of questions, state the key details clearly and turn off comments or direct people where to go or not to go for information.
How to Write and Manage the Post
Turn off comments (if possible): If the page or platform allows you to restrict or disable comments on the post, do it immediately. This stops the influx of “What happened?” and “Is there a service?” questions directly on the thread.
Direct questions away from the son: Explicitly state in the post who people should contact—or ask them not to message the family right now. For example:
“With permission from her son [Name], we are sharing the sad news that our dear friend [Name] passed away on [Date]. Please respect the family’s privacy at this time and refrain from messaging the family directly with questions. Updates regarding arrangements will be shared here when details are available.”
Include all necessary facts upfront: Answer the questions people will naturally ask so they don’t have to hunt for them:
Her full name and dates.
A clear, direct statement that she has passed (avoid vague euphemisms that cause confusion).
What is known (or not known) about services, viewing, or donations (e.g., “Service details are still pending” or “In lieu of flowers, please…”). [1]
Designate a point person: If you are comfortable doing so, put your own name (or another close friend’s name) as the contact person: “For any immediate questions, please reach out to [Your Name] rather than the family.”
