Imperfectionism

Imperfectionism

Imperfectionism embraces the truth that even though anything and anyone and any situation could be “improved,” our heartistry is set free by being uninterested in striving for some delusion of perfection.

  • Imperfectionism frees us from the psychological tyranny of perfectionism.
  • Releasing perfectionism allows us to focus on what matters and take inspired action without heavy self-criticism and fear of judgment.
  • Being an imperfectionist is fun! We can laugh and enjoy awkwardness as we learn, grow, and co-create.
  • Being a student-teacher always and all ways is empowering and meshes beautifully with imperfectionism.

What’s Realistic, Possible, and Fun?

Fun is rarely perfectly planned and executed. Fun is light-hearted!

Perfectionism is heavy… oppressive… stress-filled.

Most of us who are now Imperfectionists spent time pursuing perfection. Some of that is natural – we tend to care. We want to be competent and skilled and useful. We get pleasure when our efforts bear some kind of fruit.

Yet, those natural traits can get kicked into obsession by trauma. An over-critical parent or teacher or boss can make us feel so unsafe our primitive brain decides that unless we do everything perfectly, we’ll be punished – or worse.

Such trauma decouples a person from what is realistic, or even possible! Even an A+ or five-star review isn’t enough. A person can feel like they need to do more, More, MORE and be better, Better, BEST!

Those with abuse and chronic criticism in their past may need a good friend or two to smile and encourage them (and use EFT Tapping with them) to help release the gut fears of punishment, bullying, loss, and rejection. Their perfectionism is a clue to both a person who cares… and abuse that threw that caring into fear-driven obsession.

Sadly, at some point perfectionism – lacking fun and disconnected from reality – can cause someone to quit. Quit creating. Quit engaging. Even… Quit life.

Perfectionism is grotesquely expensive.
Imperfectionism is profoundly freeing.

Spreading the concept of imperfectionism offers everyone the possibility of expressive freedom.

Imperfectionists Still Care

Who would you be if you were not a perfectionist?

Would you be…

  • Lazy?
  • Uncaring?
  • Unprofessional?
  • Not worthy?
  • A fraud?

We’ve asked hundreds of perfectionists what they fear they would become if they were not crushed by the stress of trying to get everything right and keep everyone happy.

There’s good news!

Imperfectionists still care! And we do solid work in the world.

We love deeply and completely… with a nod to the reality that no act of love is “perfect.” Such a relief! So freeing!

Indeed, freed from ridiculous standards, imperfectionists engage with calm confidence.

Competence is enhanced by imperfectionism because we’re doing what’s possible with the time, energy, resources, and skills that we and our co-creators have access to right now.

Imperfectionism encourages us to put into the world what we believe is useful and done to a realistic standard. Perfectionism would have us polish and refine and re-do FOR YEARS (or freeze and never act).

Which do you value for your thriving life?

Useful Questions

  • What do I fear will happen if this isn’t perfect? Or if I am not perfect?
  • Who made you fear being less than perfect? What would they do or threaten?
  • Do you feel it is possible to care, put in the work, engage with all the creativity and skill you can muster, and be okay with the outcome whatever it is?
  • Who would you be if you were not a perfectionist?
  • Can you play with the notion of the perfectly imperfect and imperfectly perfect? How does that feel in your body-mind?

Resources

Related Concepts

Acceptance, Calm and Confident, Curiosity, Emotional Freedom, Gifts and Gaps, Student-Teacher, Totem of Talents, Lifestyle Design, Trauma Informed, Heartistry

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I love the mind of Mr. Sowell…a brilliant intellectual and social critic…

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I would have argued this, until I became an Imperfectionist. Truth is that “done” means that somewhere on the spectrum of possibilities, it feels complete… FOR NOW.

I am in the process of revising the EFT Tapping Guide from long ago. This is a reminder that yes, I am refining it. And yes, getting it done this month is more important than an eval that it is “good.” (My heart says, “Of course it is good. It is useful – even if not for everyone.”)

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Ah that feels like one of the best pauses. “it feels complete…FOR NOW.” Now I’m going out to play. :woman_cartwheeling: :biking_man:

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…be released as Good Enough. So deliciously Imperfect :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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In my work I always desire my ‘that’s good enough’ to progress to ‘more gooder’…

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“As good as it could be…” – or even more challenging, as “good as I fantasize it SHOULD be!”

Imperfectionism gives relief and offers the option to savor what is good and wholesome right here, right now. A precious now.

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If I am “trying” to be perfect, I am not being real. If I am respecting my imperfectionism (and everyone else’s!) then I’m grounded in realness.

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Who me?!?

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A “Proactive Imperfectionist” counteracts perfectionism by setting a “mistake quota.” For instance, a Proactive Imperfectionist learning a new language tries their best to speak fluently, but expects to make 200 mistakes a day. A Proactive Imperfectionist student does his best to ace practice exams, but doesn’t stop studying until he gets 100 practice exam questions wrong. - Adam Grant, Hidden Potential

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From Justin Welsh:

Self-Sabotage Tactic #2: Chasing Perfection

Perfectionism has been an enemy of mine for a long time. And my perfectionism is a little bit weird — It’s not about making things perfectly flawless, but rather an endless tweaking of plans, delaying launches, waiting for that 'perfect moment’, which, of course, never comes.

A few years ago I leaned into a new mindset: progress over perfection.

I began using a ‘good enough’ metric: if a product, service, or newsletter met 80% of my vision, it was time to publish and move on.

This shift increased my output, and it actually helped me make stuff that was a lot better!

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I agree….complete for now is so freeing!

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Kurt Vonnegut wrote: "When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig. I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of “getting to know you” questions you ask young people: Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject? And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.

And he went WOW. That’s amazing! And I said, “Oh no, but I’m not any good at ANY of them.”

And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before: “I don’t think being good at things is the point of doing them. I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills, and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person, no matter how well you do them.”

And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could ‘Win’ at…

@Funny Cam

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Sighghgh…I am learning that this is true, so very true. And, I’m aware that I am attempting to “gift” this knowledge to those who are important to me. :heart:

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Oh, the foibles!

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That is a very interesting picture Rick, given my latest diagnoses. I love eye pictures!

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The Universe works in mysterious ways, indeed!

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