Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
Anchor Positive Moments
Real Skills Workshop: Thriving Lifestyle Design
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Tue May 31 2022
Watch replay below
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This sounds interesting. I would say I probably don’t do enough of this!!
That whole negativity bias at play and a challenging life, mean I’m often in a state of survival.
Sometimes I do remind myself of the positive qualities I’ve displayed facing xyz. Then, I feel astonished, that that is me, and that I have so many amazing qualities, strengths and positive attributes. This method also shows me what it takes to face situations and events etc, that I typically wouldn’t label as positive. When I see the personal qualities I’ve shown to face or handle that, this can help to turn it into a positive irrespective of the outcome.
I see the importance of making new choices for our brain and neuro plasticity- anchoring positive moments- would certainly be a powerful way to show my me/my brain I can cope and that there are other positives in my life too, as well as…
Thank you both for this 
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I love your reflection here. Appreciate you! When we anchor such strengths and positive attributes, they feel to me like they are more accessible when it’s right to call upon them once again.
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Anchor Those Fleeting Positive Moments
Positive moments have a way of passing us by… fleeting whiffs of something pleasing… and then gone.
We believe that there’s much more positive to be noticed, gathered, and savored in most of our lives than we let in. And even if we do let it in, do we anchor it in our being in a way that supports and replenishes us?
We can! It just takes… real skill.
My default nature is to notice what is calling for improvement. My default nature when I’m stressed is to notice what might possibly be a threat.
My default nature when a situation feels HARD is to get through it and perhaps allow myself to feel relief.
Our default nature is a result of conditioning and personality. It also can be actively molded and re-crafted. Whew! Such good news!
That’s what we’ll be exploring together in this Real Skills Workshop.
I get ornery if I don’t practice this skill. This morning at 415m with a wide awake toddler, I actively paid attention for positive moments (amidst other stressful moments) to infuse me. Now, over 8 hours later, I can still feel her climb up in my lap, sit next to me, and rest her head on my shoulder.
On my walk this morning, two people who seemed to have bathed in artificial scent walked by and overwhelmed my nostrils. Ahh, but then the breeze came. And then, a few minutes later, the natural smell of honeysuckle after the rain. Ahhh…
Positive moments are just that… moments. When we anchor them in our senses and energy field, they become part of us. Even part of us… forever.
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P.S. Adira says, “I am fashioned of moments, even cold icy juicy messy ones!”
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When Bitter Blocks Sweet
Some moments… some memories… are bittersweet.
Meaning, there is an emotional reaction mixed in that isn’t entirely pleasant.
I miss them painfully!
I am so glad to see them happy in this photo.
Ouch! A thorn!
Wow, that rose looks and smells enticing.
See what I mean?
For me my nervous system often picks up on the part of the scene that is on the “negative” side first. It’s just the way I’m wired. In a field of wildflowers, I WILL notice the litter.
This means that for me, to feel and “memorialize” the positive vibes requires active attention. Accept the thorn → Embrace the beauty. Notice the missing them → Tap tap tap → Allow the feeling of love to then be embodied.
It’s called Anchoring Positive Moments. It’s a skill many need in order to experience a thriving life. I do!
We’ll be practicing this tonight, and tapping to make the flow from thorn to flower more easeful, too. Would you like to join us?
Our Circle Membership - now available for
a one-time payment on a gliding scale.
Circle Members get all Real Skills Workshops (and much more)!
Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
P.S. Adira says, “Watering the garden with a unicorn is a special moment, indeed…”
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Anchor Positive Moments - Workshop Recording
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Anchor Positive Moments
[00:00:00] Anchor positive moments, a real skills workshop for a thriving lifestyle. And I tell ya, you know, it’s an extraordinary thing. When you realize that you could go through a whole day where you were surrounded by things that were pretty sweet, you completely ignored them. It was like, okay, nothing bad here.
[00:00:26] Nothing bad here, nothing bad here, nothing bad here. And that’s what I’m capable of. And this workshop is a potent reminder to me to not just avoid the thorns, but to actually smell the roses and you know, to, so we’re going to be touching on a lot of interesting things. And I’m here. I’m Rick from thriving.
[00:00:47] Now I’m here with Cathy. Vartuli thriving now. And, and the intimacy dojo, Cathy. Why, why is this important from your perspective? So it was interesting. I was kind of brought up kind of puritanical, like in the sense that indulgence or fun for fun sake was not useful. And you were just supposed to work really hard and get things accomplished and, and get things done.
[00:01:11] And for a long time I lived that and I also felt kind of dry and like dull and not very engaged with life kind of moderately depressed. It was just, life was really hard. And, um, but there’s still a part of me. That’s very utilitarian. Like why bother, like focusing on these positive things. And recently I’ve been taking a class with Diane Poole Heller, who is one of the experts internationally on attachment theory.
[00:01:39] And she’s taught some of you may know about attachment theory. It’s like early on, we learn what the role, if it’s safe to connect to other people or not. And some people are really avoidant. They, some people are great and other people are like, oh, I’m going to click on. So there’s like differentiate that goes into much more subtlety.
[00:01:55] And she talked about healing, attachment wounds, and she said, they’re perfectly healable. We can heal these old things. And the number one way they work on this is by noticing positive moments and really letting people absorb the, the essence of like, for right now here, we all are. We’re all safe. There are no bears eating, anyone that I can tell.
[00:02:19] Um, we have, I see beautiful, warm, friendly, smiling faces. If I can let that into my system, if I can really enjoy that moment that heals some of my old trauma around attaching to people is going to be painful. They’re going to ridicule me, laugh at me, or they’re going to leave me. So like there’s, people can have more complex form.
[00:02:41] Very few of us are one kind or another of attachment. A lot of people like to paint it black and white, like safe attachment. People are fine, but the other ones you should stay away from. And it’s like, no, we all have a mixture. And when we can let ourselves really notice, like this moment. Everyone here is a really safe person to be here.
[00:03:00] No, one’s yelling at me. I’m, I’m feeling more in my heart from seeing your faces. If I can really let myself experience that I can actually heal a chunk of my wounds. And so for the utility utilitarian part, like things always should have a purpose to me that was like a big aha. And that kind of got me over.
[00:03:20] Cause we’re going to talk in a little bit about resistance to allowing good feelings. I had a lot of that because it wasn’t useful. It was just indulgent quote unquote. So as I realized that I’m actually, whenever I can let myself enjoy a beautiful moment or the good parts of that moment. We’ll talk a little more too about, they’re not all pure perfect.
[00:03:43] It’s not a fairy tale. They lived all happily ever after. We have a mixture of feelings in the moment, like I’m sitting here really enjoying all of you and I haven’t put the groceries away from before. And so there’s like, oh, I wish I’d done that before I got the perishables away, but the rest is it put away and I’m like, oh, and my right leg is a little tight and I can notice those things and it could suck all my attention, but if I can also let myself be aware of the positive things, I’m actually healing old traumas.
[00:04:12] So yeah, the more we can let ourselves and train ourselves with muscles to notice those positive moments and allow them in. I do think the universe loves us and it’s constantly sending us positive things, even in the midst of really hard thing.
[00:04:26] Really hard times. Judy is here, Judy, um, probably you don’t mind me saying your name, but we sometimes we’ll text each other, um, little positive things, just we’ve known each other for decades. And that’s just a lovely little reminder that the universe loves us. And so I think as if we can build the muscle to open up and really receive those gifts, then we can withstand life better and we have more to give to ourselves and to others.
[00:04:53] And so I hope you’re hearing one that we’re acknowledging that there’s a trauma influence on that. And also, um, when we’re in survival mode, especially like if our perimeter brain is really active, it’s very narrow focused. It’s wants to know, am I safe enough to survive here? Um, and so what Kathy was inviting is that we look around and we quiet and comfort and soothe and acknowledge, um, like what is in my ecosystem right here?
[00:05:23] Is it okay for me to notice? And we’re going to do some EFT tapping, um, in a few minutes on, on loosening things up in that respect. Um, if you’re new to tapping, we’re not going to be teaching it in this workshop, but you can go to thriving now.com/tapping and get our free guide.
[00:05:44] Yeah. So, you know, for me, um, like you said, I can fall into a mode where it’s do, do, do check off the list, check off the list, check off the list, check off the list or try to, and if I’m, if I run out of gas in that, there’s an interesting thing that I’ve noticed. Um, I can be moving and flowing with creativity or productivity or the combination of the two.
[00:06:22] And sometimes I will run out of gas. And if you were to look into my energy bucket, right, like you would see that Rick has used a lot of energy in all of that doing and creating what you wouldn’t necessarily notice. If I run out of gas, is that I didn’t, I didn’t put much back in. As I went from moment to moment.
[00:06:49] I didn’t pause and saver. I might feel good about like, oh, it’s done, but not like really feeling into,
[00:07:02] I feel so good about the people that are going to find this course. Now it feels so much more refreshed. I tended to things that I didn’t realize needed to be tended to. And I did, and it feels really good to have it in this new structure. So I, one of the things about anchoring positive moments from an energetic standpoint is it’s also a deposit.
[00:07:32] It’s a deposit into the core of our energy field. It nourishes, it, cleanses it revitalizes. And then when we’re done it doesn’t feel like, oh, I ran out of gas. I feel complete. And that for me is like one of those things that I watch for that I run out of gas or did I tend to my energy and tending to my energy is like staying from yes.
[00:08:02] To yes. To yes. To, yes. And this particular skill of note to saying, um, the, these moments, these positive energy moments, nourishing energy moments really does make a difference. So like, if I forget, if I’m in, you know, you guys see lots of pictures of a Dera, um, you see moments that we’ve captured. Now I can take a picture and not spend any time with it.
[00:08:33] When I do one of our emails and I put that picture in there, I’m spending some time with it. If I don’t, it, it feels flat. It feels like a to-do item. Not like really feeling into what is it that she’s saying? And I’m saying, and we’re saying together, but if I’m tending to her for like four hour break, four hour period of time, I can tell you if I stop and saver moment, 20 minutes of screaming and crying and unhappy and unclear of what she wants.
[00:09:09] And I am really clueless, but I’m present with her like, Hmm. There is a moment in there. And the moment today after that was, she got it out of her system and we recalibrated, we went over the couch and she was tired from all of that. And she just rested her head on my shoulder. She just sat next to me and
[00:09:36] kind of that emotional exam, like baby, I know exactly what that feels
[00:09:46] and you know, if I do that, well, then my bucket fills up and if I’m tired and exhausted, that requires more conscious attention. And that’s one of the things when we’re stressed, when we’re attuned in the world and things that really are very noisy or repulsive or contrast for us, um, we can go into this place where those things just don’t land.
[00:10:16] If our Prama propensity is to not let them land anyway. Well, then we’re just make, we’re pushing it further away from our, our core. Yeah. And I don’t think we, I think a lot of us. Please take this, try it on and see if it fits. But a lot of us, I blame very towels. Like we were taught, it was going to be perfect and I often will scramble.
[00:10:38] I’ll just keep going until it’s perfect. And then I can relax and enjoy it. But when I’m exhausted by then too, nothing is ever really perfect. And three, I have other tasks to do. So it’s like, okay, that was nice now on. And there’s almost like a holding breath. They’re not letting the rain. So again, like the muscles are not just soaking in the moment as we go.
[00:11:02] I’m not recharging my car as I drive it, so to speak. Um, and maybe you’re willing to leave it lead us in a little tapping on that kind of dynamic as we go into the next one. Next section, I invite you to take a nice, slow, deep breath.
[00:11:20] Let yourself kind of relax and open. If you’re in a safe place and openness feels right to you. Karate chop, even though I don’t always let the good things in, even though I don’t always let the good things, I think I have to wait until they’re perfect. I think I have to wait until they’re perfect. I don’t may not deserve to have the good things yet.
[00:11:46] And sometimes I don’t feel like I deserved or earned the good things yet. So I have to work harder. I have to work harder. I can’t let the moment by moment. Good things. And I can’t let the moment by moment cause things in because top of the head, maybe that’s how mom and dad were. Maybe about how mom worked eyebrow, no dessert until you finish your spinach.
[00:12:16] No dessert until you finish your, your vegetables. I like to spend it. So the VI, it didn’t teach me to save her. The vegetables did not teach me to save her anything under that tolerate this bad thing. So you get the good thing. All right. This bad thing. So you got the good thing under the nose. They weren’t really good at listening to body guidance.
[00:12:41] They, weren’t not good at listening to body guidance, chin, and no one taught them to have muscles for receiving good things. And no one taught them to have muscles for receiving good things. Collarbone. In this moment, I’m open to allowing some good things in, in this moment. I’m open to allowing some good things in under the arm, the kind eyes looking back at me on this.
[00:13:06] And the kind eyes looking back at me at this video, top of the head, the comfy chair, I might be sitting in
[00:13:16] the temperature of the air against my cheek, the temperature side of the eye, the fact that I’m doing the silly tapping thing with a bunch of other folks, the fact that I’m doing this silly tapping thing with a bunch of other folks under the eye. What if I can allow the good things in right now? What if I can allow some good things in right now under the nose?
[00:13:39] What if I don’t have to earn the secret key to open up to it? What if I don’t have to earn the secret key to open up to it? And what if I don’t have to suffer to feel good? What if I don’t have to suffer first in order to feel good?
[00:13:59] I’m open to giving this a try under the arm and allowing some of this good to seep into my cells and allowing some of this cut to seep deep into myself. Top of the head, the universe is bombarding me with love. Um, he says the universe is bombarding me with love. I just tried to open up to it. What have I tried to open up to it and just take a nice gentle breath.
[00:14:32] This is not a switch. You’re feeling good or bad. This is a great time to jot something down or notice if there’s a tension in your body or a thought in your head. Yeah, but sir, great place to remove blocks. And a lot of us do have a lot of blocks around this kind of thing. We may have learned that it wasn’t safe or that we didn’t deserve good things.
[00:14:51] When we were a little, if we had trauma or if we had parents that were. Maybe in a really bad place. And it was hard for them to watch us be happy and joyful little kids, or maybe the contrast you have feeling good to crashing down. It was too much. And we wanted to kind of regulate our system when no one really taught us how to handle that.
[00:15:12] There’s lots of reasons we might have learn to like, not allow this hen the chats open, if you’d like to share, like, what are some of the blocks to really taking in a moment and just whatever comes to you. And I think it’s helpful if there was something that as you look at your day that you maybe took for granted, or just let it pass by, but you’re aware that it was there.
[00:15:45] Yeah, that was actually a moment I could have appreciated or anchored. It could have been fleeting. It could have been like. Ask your, your guidance system. Was there anything that I missed?
[00:16:05] And what, what’s your theory? What, in that moment, what had you not anchor it? Someone shared knowing I’ll be taken down if I’m feeling happy. There is that there’s a saying in Australia, I believe that they said the tallest poppy gets chopped off and in families, I think that are kind of toxic and maybe don’t have a lot of good ways to deal with positive.
[00:16:28] Like maybe there’s some people are in trauma or they’re suffering. It’s like, how dare you be happy when I’m miserable? Like I learned really quickly if my mom was scowling not to be playing or making a lot of noise, like to be kind of quiet and still, um, I got a raise and I didn’t acknowledge it. I have no idea why just kept going.
[00:16:48] Let’s like a lot of us, like, we were afraid of being arrogant or like self centered, or how can I have this when someone who people don’t have much, like whatever the story is, see if you can ask yourself, what was, why did I do that? What is this? What is the reason? So if you can get the reason you have some leverage, your conscious brain is holding onto it.
[00:17:11] What do you think would happen if you acknowledged that raise? Or if, um, you know, if you were, who would take you down and why? Um, the experience of pain or agitation makes it difficult. Is it that they experience, I’m curious if the experience of pain or agitation is a crane at the same time, or because you’re feeling good.
[00:17:33] If we don’t have experience feeling good, or we learned that it was dangerous to feel loved or connected or whatever it was, we can actually feel agitation. That’s a peak, that’s a trauma PTSD symptom where we’re like, oh, this good thing is anchored to something bad. So if I allow this good feeling, this like our survival brain gets convinced if I feel good, or if I feel loved that something dangerous will happen, we can actually subconsciously like pull it down and we can mix it with things that are painful.
[00:18:04] So it’s good to notice. Is it outside things that are making it painful or is this an internal thing? Is a, some part of my system drink, seen everything to keep me safe. Um, I’m drawn to ask that question, like what.
[00:18:24] How safe does it feel to allow a positive feeling, amidst? All the other things that are going on
[00:18:36] 10 would be really feels safe. Right. And the two,
[00:18:47] and don’t have to necessarily have a reason on a question like this. You just allow your being to gas, how safe it feels.
[00:19:06] like mine’s wobbling between a two and a four, which is weird to me cause I’ve been definitely practicing this for the last week, but I also have some physical stuff going on. And I think that that like the physical pain. Combined with positive things. Like my logical brain scientists knows that when we let in a positive energy reproduce in our inner pharmacy, pain-relieving, um, chemicals, the chemicals appealing the chemicals of life, giving vitality, uh, and there’s this resistance and, you know, I’ve got a trauma history.
[00:19:50] So, um, yeah, it feels like my intuition is that that’s playing into this right. So wherever you are, would you like to, um, to do some tapping with us be on that? Yeah. And someone shared, it feels safe. It feels safe to feel positive, but not to share it. So they made me like, maybe you can feel it quietly, but not express it.
[00:20:17] It’s also contextual. So when I’m with all of you, I feel pretty safe, feeling good. If I’m with my family number shifts tab, like it’s, it feels less safe quickly. So just acknowledge that it could be different in different situations about different people. So karate chop, even though it doesn’t always feel safe to feel good, even though it doesn’t always feel safe to feel good.
[00:20:44] I acknowledged that that comes from somewhere. I acknowledge that that comes from somewhere and at some point in my life, it wasn’t safe to feel good. A bunch of times in my life, it wasn’t safe to feel good. I really appreciate the part of me that figured this out. I appreciate the part of me that figures, this, figured that out and kept me safe all those years and kept me safer, safer.
[00:21:12] And I’d like to notice that sometimes it is safe to feel good right now. I’d like to notice that sometimes it is safe to feel good right now, top of then what if I could allow myself to practice feeling safe? What if I could allow myself to practice feeling safe and to notice those good feelings and to notice those good feelings part of the eye, maybe even tell people about them, maybe even tell people about them under the eye.
[00:21:44] It might feel a little scary. It might feel a little scary under the nose, but I can take baby steps, but I can take baby steps. And then I can practice with the people that are easy to practice with. And I can practice with people that are easier to practice. Well, Taliban, I know who’s safer now. Well, you do know who safer, not now under the eye.
[00:22:12] And I can acknowledge some part of me is really scared about doing this. And I can acknowledge that. Some part of me is really scared about doing us top of the head and acknowledged the courage that’s taken me this far and acknowledge the courage that has taken me this far. Just take a deep breath and notice that some part of you has probably been longing to feel good this whole time.
[00:22:36] And part of you has been so scared because it wants to protect you. There’s kind of a, uh, an S like kind of a bittersweet feeling. When I think of that, like, I think we are designed to feel good. We’re designed to want to feel good. There’s a dopamine response. When we feel good, that gives us inspiration and energy to do things.
[00:22:54] And yet we’ve been operating like with a throttle turn way down to protect us, to get us through. And we have the capacity to throttle back when we need to. And the key is to notice when it’s okay to throttle up and really enjoy what’s going on. So we get to, we get to play with that and have different.
[00:23:16] We can, we can turn the knob in different situations. So that gives us a lot more freedom and reign. I was open. If something’s coming up for someone where you’d like us to do a tapping on an aspect of this, there’s one for me that you just said throttle back. And that feels really important to the point where, you know, throttle back until I stall that a thing running out of gas, it’s, it’s actually running, running out of using, using energy.
[00:23:47] Right. Right. But we can also, now as adults, we probably have more choice to leave situations where we have to throttle all the time. Yeah. Even though in some situations, even though in some situations and with some people sometimes with some people sometimes, and with some people all the time, all the time, I need to throttle back.
[00:24:10] I need to throttle back. I also want to anchor positive moments to anchor positive moments in ways that nourish. Nourish top of head don’t you have to throttle back don’t you have to throttle back eyebrow. Yeah, yeah. With them. You always do with them. You always with them sometimes with them, sometimes they can’t handle someone being happier than they are.
[00:24:41] They can’t handle this. I’m going to meet and happier than their chin. Okay. Well, that’s an unwanted reality, not as an unwanted reality. But it’s not the whole of reality. It’s not the whole of reality. And I’m teaching my nervous system, how to anchor positive moment. Um, I am teaching my nervous system, how to anchor positive moments.
[00:25:04] Okay. Top of the head in ways that are nourishing and intimate for me in ways that are nourishing and intimate. And I don’t have to share with anyone if I don’t want to just share with anyone, if I don’t want to, I can still keep a grumpy cat look on my face. I can still keep the grumpy.
[00:25:28] I have one of the things when you were doing that is there are some people we just know are not safe to share things with. And I’ve also learned that sometimes I have convinced myself that people don’t want to hear it. Some people don’t want to know something. And as I’ve gotten a little more confident and just kind of shared a little bit anyway, that I made, I made a decision based on something that wasn’t, I was imagining they weren’t safe to share that with, or they’d be angry or whatever.
[00:25:51] And maybe it was one or two experiences where I interpreted a look or whatever, and it may not have anything to do with that. So sometimes we have our survival brain is looking for the maximum safety. So it will kind of pull in the circle, the circle of safety. If, if it sees something that I thinks is dangerous and so our circle can get smaller and smaller.
[00:26:12] And sometimes when we have a little bit of courage to try that, we may find that one of the person may have changed the situation gonna change, or we misinterpreted it all those years. Uh, one of the things that you do, which I really appreciate. So let’s say I just had a really rough night, right. Kathy and I talk and I’m still like woozy from being up since 3:00 AM.
[00:26:40] And, um, you know, Kathy checks in with me and I share kind of where I am. And what’s interesting because I never would’ve thought of doing this on my own, but you model it is, you’ll say I have something I’d love to celebrate if you’re up for it. And if not, that’s totally cool. And often it’s like, oh, please do.
[00:27:06] Yeah, and I love that. You’re your please do. And some people do they want to be lifted up, but okay. Oh no. At once or twice, you know, out of a hundred times, but it’s, um, you know, that’s, that to me is a way that within our relationship, um, it allows us to change the energy and not assume that just because one of us has allowed, um, like we’re, we’re there for each other and holding space that, that space can also be allowed to shift to something which is beautiful or a celebration or something in another, you know, another vibration.
[00:27:49] Um, and.
[00:27:55] That’s useful, even in great relationships. Cause sometimes you know, your, your partner or your friend can come home and you can tell they don’t have a lot of, um, for their they’re struggling with something. And by checking in, you’re giving them the opportunity to feel into, um, is it really a yes. Would that be uplifting for them to know that amidst all the litter of the traffic coming home, that there was actually something that you want to share?
[00:28:27] That was beautiful. Um, so just as we’ve developed this as a real skill, there’s one the permission not to share it. Like that feels really core to me. Um, the. The, the skill of being able to check in and find consensual partners that have that demonstrate that they like celebrating with us and tuning into those anchoring a positive moment.
[00:28:58] Um, and then, you know, and some of the other work that we’re going to do about bittersweet, uh, here in a bit, and we want to go ahead, Kathy. Anyone want to share anything? There’s one. Do you want to read it? My tail ender for the last tap was that I’ve noticed I don’t easily allow myself to feel nourished individually, nourished.
[00:29:26] I guess it’s a foreign, there’s suddenly a block. I don’t know why I would feel safe there. Well, I don’t know why it wouldn’t feel safe there. Um, and one of the things that I invite you to look at as soon as it’s not safe, but the other, the flip side of that is sometimes we’ve been taught. We don’t deserve it.
[00:29:41] So I don’t know if that’s the case here or not. Maybe it’s just foreign and you just haven’t had a chance to experience it. What, what is where I’m used to often feel scary to our survival brain? And there could be, we’ve been taught by some people, some of us have been taught that we don’t deserve it.
[00:29:58] How can we feel good when there are people are suffering? How can we, maybe we’re not good enough person or we’ve committed some crime in there in that person’s book. Did you have some, you got some tapping, you I’d love for you to do some tapping on the deserving part of it looks like that that’s a confirmation in the chat.
[00:30:17] Okay. So the person, the act great. So I bet you, this can be tender. So just take a gentle deep breath. And one of the things that, one of the reasons this is tender is because deserving is linked to your identity or self-worth, it’s like, if we don’t deserve it, maybe we’re not good enough. Or there’s all these different reasons in there, but this can be tender.
[00:30:38] So I just invite you to be gentle with yourself and allow the, you know, this is sad or there’s anger or whatever. It’s okay. Um, and let’s just gently tap on this karate chop, even though part of me is decided I don’t get to have these good feelings, even though part of me is decided I don’t really get to have these good feelings.
[00:30:59] Don’t know that I deserve them. I don’t know that I deserved them. Who am I to have good feelings? Who am I to have such good feelings? But I still kinda want them. I still kind of want them, does that mean I’m selfish or bad?
[00:31:17] Does that mean I’m selfish or bad? This is really confusing. And sometimes this is really confusing sometimes because someone taught me that I might not deserve these good feelings because someone taught me, I might not deserve these good feelings top of that. What if they were wrong? Oh, I’m pretty sure that they were wrong, but what if they were wrong?
[00:31:41] I, well, what if this is confusing? Because they were confused. What if this is confusing? Because they were confused. Yeah. Some, someone may have taught them. They didn’t deserve good feelings. They didn’t deserve good feelings under the eye, or maybe they had some bad experiences. Maybe they had some bad experiences under the nose.
[00:32:04] I want to feel like I deserve good feelings. I want to fully feel like I deserve good feelings, send them. That’s a hard one for me. And that’s a hard one for me collarbone. I don’t want to take something I shouldn’t have, I do not want to take something I shouldn’t have under the I, but if I allow good feelings, who am I taking from?
[00:32:29] I allowed good feelings. Who am I taking prom top of the head. It kind of implies there’s only so many. There’s only so many good feelings to go around. Right. I browsed, there’s only two donuts. I can’t take two donuts. That’s true. If there’s only two donuts, I can’t take two donuts side of the eye, but if there’s infinite number of donuts, why can’t I have as many as I like, ah, very infinite donuts.
[00:32:56] Why can’t I have at least one or two under the eye. If I grew up with a family that had a lot of labs. If I had grew up with a family that had a lot of lack and competition and a lot of fear and a lot of fear, chin, I might not have been allowed those good feelings. I wasn’t allowed those gut feelings the same way collarbone.
[00:33:22] There were only so many go round in their world. There are only so many to go around in their world under the arm, but if I allow these good feelings, these good feelings, half of the head and walk through the world, smiling at people, smiling at people. Doesn’t that create more good feelings that create more good feelings.
[00:33:44] What if I deserve all that I walked? I actually can’t say that. I don’t know why. What if I could try it deserve? What if I could try? What if I could allow myself to deserve to be. I definitely could allow myself to deserve more of this. Take a breath. Interesting.
[00:34:12] It feels like 14 years old. Um, I think a lot of us have blocks and that we’re taught that there’s not enough. And I think in my family growing up, one person was allowed to be feeling good at a time. And it was usually my dad. So like, if he felt good and you can kind of tag team with him, then you could feel good too.
[00:34:32] But otherwise he had to be the most successful and most popular, most whatever, and anyone else feeling good and that felt like threatening or like taking away from the limelight. And I don’t think many people here feel like they have to have it. The only part, they don’t have to be the only person on stage, so to speak.
[00:34:49] Like I think a lot of us are very collaborative sharing people. So if I, you know, if we’d share something joyful and we all feel filled up and warm, because we’re all feeling joyful, then it doesn’t actually take away from anyone. It just creates more well-being and good feelings for them. Uh, you’ve described like the difference between a zero sum game and an infinite game, a zero sum game.
[00:35:13] There’s only so many donuts. Nobody can make it more. Um, and in the infinite game, it’s like, how can we share food and nourishment, both the physical kind. And, um, and the emotional kind, the spiritual kind, all the different flavors, musical kind know there’s, there’s a lot to that. And if you’re, if you’re aware that like some younger version of you came up, you might just check in, like, what was, what was that?
[00:35:53] What was I not letting in specifically? Uh, at that time, you don’t have to share it if you choose to share it in the chat. Um, and if you’re watching the recording, hi, thank you for joining us. There’s a, there’s a re a comment area or reply that you can post as well. Um, to continue this. Yeah, one of the ways I like to deal with, um, the infinite game and what’s analogy that seems to help some people is if I hold my breath there, there are people in the world that have very dirty air, or there may be have chronic some illness.
[00:36:29] They can’t get enough oxygen easily, but if I hold my breath here, it’s not going to give them oxygen. If I deprive myself of oxygen, I’m actually just less able to help them. And it doesn’t actually give them oxygen. So if you know, there’s only one donut for all of us. Maybe we could cut it into little bits in each as a saver, but nobody gets.
[00:36:51] Nobody each gets a donut, a full donut, but for oxygen, which is really unlimited for most, you know, like there’s plenty of oxygen in the world, like holding our breath as a private ourselves, doesn’t make that any better for anybody. Um, if I was someone shared, if I was so much at laughing, my father so much is laughing.
[00:37:12] My father had given would glower at me and my mom, uh, see my name in a threatening tone. I’m so sorry. Um, and someone asked, could you repeat that? Sorry, the question, Rick, I’m starting quick catch it. Um, maybe what are the blocks that came up? I think, yeah. And the person that shared about the glowering and the name it’s like, that’s really scary to our survival brain.
[00:37:39] There’s like, oh, I’m doing something wrong that the, you know, the person that empowering the house is giving me this look and indicating I’m behaving badly. And who knows what. Lessons that person learned or experienced, but, um, it, it is really hard to have that kind of reinforcement and we carry that often.
[00:37:59] It’s a it’s um, you know, like, especially if it’s kind of stuck in our, our energy system, that knee, then the sound of our name and that look, it’s like, oh, we might start feeling or seeing that when we start to feel good. And that’s a great place to tap some inner tapping and love, like going back with that little, the younger self and go, yeah.
[00:38:18] What an asshole or however, it is like helping release that the energy of that sensation laughter brings tears. Someone shared, even though, even though I was punished for laughing, even though I was punished for laughing and laughing is the natural way to anchor a positive moment and left her is often the natural way to anchor a positive moment.
[00:38:46] And certainly one of the ways. So right when I was anchoring a positive moment. So right when I was angry in a positive little bit whack whack,
[00:39:00] my nervous system remembers my nervous system remembers my nervous system remembers I nervous system remembers. And so I’m teaching it a different way. I’m teaching it a different way, right? And that’s a requirement for me. And that’s a requirement for me. They took the natural anchoring. They touched took the natural eighth grade champ.
[00:39:27] They punished me, they punished me. They made things harder on me. They made things harder on me and now I’m learning another skill, learning another skill. I really do want to feel more nourished. I really do want to feel more nourished and feel safe doing so and feel safe doing so I take back my laughter.
[00:39:55] I reclaim my laughter. You don’t get to take it from me. And laughter and tears are welcome here. Um, I’ll say sometimes the tears, uh, you know, depending on if they’re, if they’re not like being punished tears, the tears that come from being abused or traumatized, um, you know, If they’re authentic, not quite the right word.
[00:40:24] If there are tears that flow from that core, this is, this is a meaningful moment. Might not label it as positive. Um, but it’s a meaningful moment that includes tears to me that also can nourish and fulfill and cleanse me too. Um, there’s a, there can be a sweetness in those salty tears in my experience.
[00:40:48] Um, not so much in the tears of suppressed rage from being, uh, you know, taken out of joy and thrown into something. Someone else shared. If I shared something neat and happy to my mother, she could start telling me all about all her fears and things that could hurt me. Um, and I think that’s the way that people that are, that are very scared will try to protect us.
[00:41:17] They, they want us, they want us, they don’t want us to be too happy and exuberant and I little kids when they’re really happy and playing, they get very exuberant. Sometimes they’re like they haven’t, their prefrontal cortex is not fully formed. They’re like kind of high on dopamine and oxytocin and running around.
[00:41:33] It is a little, like, it can be a lot to be around. I was like, huh, a little applier. And if I, if I had a lot of traumatic experiences, I may be like, oh no, they’re going to hurt themselves. This is dangerous. So it’s natural, I think for traumatized or people that don’t have good regulate regulatory systems to want to suppress that to.
[00:41:54] And I think it’s natural sometimes just like they’re being a little, they’re making a lot of it’s a lot of energy did. Um, so like, you know, it’s, it can be overwhelming. So I was like, I need to come down, but hopefully we can do it in different ways than terrifying, small children or shaming, small children.
[00:42:13] What’d you like to take our break now? And then we’ll come back and do the bittersweet and volunteers.
[00:42:22] Um, we have another share quickly. Um, when I went into the, into, into, when I went to an energy healer, she told me that most of my fears are not my own, most were my mothers. Also my father’s not sure to differentiate my own fears from those I inherited. And I think that’s really challenging because so much of who we are is inherited.
[00:42:43] Like we orbed it from mean in that environment. Um, so I just try to take all fears rather than trying to differentiate. Is this mine or my parents? I look instead, is this it, I call them, I call it true fear versus a fear, fear, like, is this based in some reality? And then I try to like, look at it like objectively.
[00:43:05] Is there something to actually be afraid of logically here? And sometimes there’s a mixture. Or am I really exaggerating it. So during parts of COVID, when we were all, like, we’re all kind of been inside for so long, the front yard kind of got to be lava for me. And like just taking the trash can out. I felt very like, uh, scary, you know, the germs are gonna come get me or people or whatever.
[00:43:30] Um, and that wasn’t, that wasn’t a true fear. That was a fear just because I wasn’t used to it anymore. And if someone was out there coughing, I shouldn’t go take the trash out right away, like wait until they go by, if that makes sense. So I tried to, rather than worrying so much about my fear versus other people’s fears, because that can be really hard to parse sometimes it’s like, is there objective reality?
[00:43:53] Or is it just a, is this an and again, it could be a mixture, but I found that, uh, the Flores lab, someone share that it’s kind of felt like that. Um, but I think that, that gave me, that gives me a little bit more ease rather than trying to save that’s there. So this is mine. It’s like how much of this is real, like how much of this is useful in that.
[00:44:16] So if that helps, I thought that’s a good question. Yeah. Okay. And we’re going to take, um, a quick seven minute pause here, and if you’re aware of turning the recording, um, I encourage you to take that pause to welcome back. Ah, so, you know, we’re, we focus on emotional energy in our work as kind of a, an entry point and one of the.
[00:44:49] I notice about anchoring a positive moment that my nervous system, wherever I happen to land on the neurodiversity scale, um, my nervous system will tend to notice things that are the bitter before it notices the sweet, so, oh, that makes sense. You want it. There’s a snake and you see strawberries. You want to deal with the snake before the strawberries.
[00:45:22] And I have people in my life. You know, snake. I didn’t even notice what they’re literally there. Are you kidding me? I didn’t notice it at all. It was such a beautiful sunset man. Sorry. That’s that’s just the way that things come to me. Um, sensationally. So when someone walks in a room, they might be in a great mood and I would still notice at some level like other things that might be going on my empathy, my visual, my auditory.
[00:46:01] Um, so what do we call that? The bittersweet or it’s a recognition that for, for me, at least, and I know other people that, that have this propensity to. Um, you can see something like, there’s that dog I love and there’s drool coming out of his mouth and I’m just getting ready for work. Right. You’re not a dog person.
[00:46:24] I am like. Um, and so, but then there’s the enthusiasm. So like there’s the drool that’s going to get on the clothes. And then there’s the enthusiasm for this being that just is so happy that you exist. Um, I use that as contract, um, for this example, um, if we’re going to practice this as a real skill, um, and.
[00:46:53] It can be helpful not to pick something that is just really raw and tender more, something that you find yourself having a feeling or reaction initially to it that maybe you don’t get past. You don’t actually get to the happy dog it’s truly phase. Um, you don’t get to the, wow. They look really happy and beautiful.
[00:47:21] And as someone I care about, I am so delighted for them that they got this experience. You look at the picture on Facebook and it’s like, I miss them so much. And I wish I was there. And like, there’s the pain and you never actually get beyond that. That’s if I am not using my skill, I will stay there or I’ll bounce off of it.
[00:47:47] Oh, okay. I look good. You see, like, I take all of the juiciness out of it by, by trying to tamp down the emotional reaction. Does this make sense? You all, is this something that you experienced sometimes too? You know, that you’d be really happy that somebody is coming over, but they’re having a big, rough time in their life and it’s hard to like, hold both of those at the same time.
[00:48:15] Well, I’m scared what the think after I’ve gained 20 pounds in COVID or that I’ve got. I’m also feeling scared of seeing them. And I want to see them, like, I think there’s that split. Some people call it the split-screen where there’s a good thing and the negative thing. And most of us have been taught that these are very black and white.
[00:48:34] Like it’s either good or bad make up your mind versus what’s really brain interpretation. Yeah. Um, and we’re kind of like, are you happy about it? And it’s like, mixed, like the thing I’m going to a camp next week that I love. It’s my favorite thing in the world. Um, yeah. Doors with really cool people. Um, and I haven’t been around a lot of people like that and I’m a little nervous and like, there’s we have the positive, I can’t wait to do this.
[00:49:01] And oh my God, what if it doesn’t go? Well, what if there are people that don’t like me? What if so the really, I think a more mature way is this kind of. How can we be with both? Yes. And this good and this bad. And I think that’s a, it does take some emotional maturity, I think, to allow that. And it’s also really challenging because we don’t see that model in our world.
[00:49:25] If you watch TV, things are either good or bad. And if there’s litter in the, in the field of butterflies, then it’s just crap. We should just like, Ugh, nevermind versus, oh, there still are amazing butterflies here and there’s littered and I can either notice it and just be with it or I could pick it up or whatever.
[00:49:46] And this is, uh, the scale works for me best when I’m doing it in the moment. Um, so. We can sometimes take us ourselves back to that moment. Um, that’s one of the beautiful things about our minds. We can imagine like, oh, this was when I was with them. And I was, I was feeling like we only have so much time left and I’m starting to feel anxious.
[00:50:17] And, uh, and this is where to recondition ourselves a bit. We can go, oh, yep. That was a thing. And, and do something like, even though I picked up something painful here, even though I’ve picked up something painful here and it’s taking me out of this moment, it’s taking me out of this moment. Or it’s an aspect of this moment, or it’s an aspect of this moment.
[00:50:48] That’s also. That’s also true. It’s also true. It’s also true eyebrow and I don’t want to miss the moment. Linda, when I miss the moment, part of me skips over the moment, pardon me skips over the moment. It can be both. It can be both. It can be both at the same time. It can be both at the same time, Jim thorns and the flower.
[00:51:19] Come on, happy to be with them. Happy to be with them, aware that it’s going to add aware that it’s going to end
[00:51:31] all the things that can be there at the same time, all the things that can be there at the same time that my body wants to anchor some positive in there. I, my body wants to anchor some positive in there today. The whole core wants to anchor the positive in the moment. My whole core wants to anchor the positive in the moment
[00:51:54] I saw the cat look up into the video, like, oh yeah, I’m here. You know, anchor the positive.
[00:52:05] Um, yeah, I think that I sometimes also have a sense of wanting to protect myself. I don’t want to let the, um, it feels like if I experienced the negative, like I kind of want to protect myself from the negative versus accepting reality as it is. There’s like a, oh, I don’t want that to let that into my energy field.
[00:52:28] It’s there, it’s there and we pretending you’re suppressing it like a beach ball underwater is not going to help. Um, so it there’s a lot of times we don’t. We kind of go through life, protecting ourselves a lot, or, you know, like, oh, writing off. I have to admit, I do this for people. Sometimes, sometimes I’ll feel overwhelmed at a conference or whatever.
[00:52:51] There’s a lot of people and I’m like, oh, that person made that comment. So I’m going to write them off as a human. I don’t, they’re not potential friend material. I’ll exclude people like that versus like, oh, why can’t I just be here with who’s here? Why do I have to eliminate people from my pup potential friend or talk to zone?
[00:53:11] Um, it is a way for my brain that when he feels overwhelmed to eliminate certain things or, you know, control, but it’s not necessarily a wise way to do it. And it’s not always a compassionate way to do it. And there are certain people I just don’t want to be friends with. I’m certainly allowed to have that choice.
[00:53:28] Um, um, I’d like to invite an exercise for us to each. Something where there’s, there is a positive moment you’re aware of the positive moment. Maybe you’re feeling it a little bit, maybe not so much. Um, maybe you really are aware of it. And there’s also another aspect to it. The bitter with the sweet, if something can come to you like that, um, if you’re someone who writes things down, that would be like, what’s the bitter, I’m not there with them.
[00:54:14] That’s mine, what’s yours, you know? And what’s.
[00:54:22] And one of the things I’ve noticed is the thing people that have, um, either in our society, people that are bigger are often considered, not like people will say I’ll enjoy it once I lose weight or once I get fit or once I stopped smoking or one of those things that we don’t want to be, it’s like, I, you know, like I can’t enjoy this until that might be something to notice that if you’re doing some of that, um,
[00:54:57] and feeling into where does your energy mostly go just by default? Is that,
[00:55:09] or the bitter part of it or toward the sweet part of it?
[00:55:16] Like the bitter part right now, I did not tap on this. Um, it’s something that happened, I guess, Saturday for me, I left it sort of unintended. Um, and I feel my energy going mostly to the bitter part of it, the feeling that, that evokes. And there’s a part of me that wants to pull away, but as soon as I pull away, but the sweet part of it is, has gone.
[00:55:49] It becomes very fuzzy. Um, this, you know, each of us have an energy system around these things, noticing it, it is part of the skill, like, how am I, how am I with this particular bittersweet? Um,
[00:56:16] Okay. And what I do is I’ll, I’ll tap on the bitter part of it first, just a quick round to see how it responds. Even though I have some bitter feelings about this, some bitter feelings about this, I accept where I am and how I feel about it and how I feel about it. Even, even though this is a bigger deal than I probably want to cope with right now, even though this is a bigger deal than I really want to cope with right now, I’m acknowledging and accepting that there are some bitter feelings.
[00:56:53] I mean, knowledging accepting that there are some better feelings and it’s okay. And it’s okay. It’s okay to have those feelings. It’s okay to have those feelings. I’ve got some bitter feelings here. I’ve got some literary feelings here. I’ve got some bitter feelings. Got some better feelings here. Um, you’re uncomfortable.
[00:57:15] Not exactly sure what to do with them. Not exactly sure what to do and it’s okay. And it’s okay.
[00:57:26] It really is. Okay. It really is. Okay. I want to anchor this positive moment to anchor this positive moment to there’s something here for me. There’s something here for me and I want to feel that vividly and I want to feel that vividly. And then if your consciousness will allow you just pivot a bit, holding the awareness that the bitters there and it’s okay.
[00:57:58] And pivot toward what is the positive moment?
[00:58:09] If you’re visual, if it’s a visual experience, allowing it to like, notice, like what color, what was the expression? What’s the tone to it. If it’s auditory, like, like I saw a picture, but I can imagine a sound with it too. Cause I’m so auditory. And as I, I didn’t do that before. I was very focused on how, um, this person looked like there’s a glow.
[00:58:38] Um, and like, I can feel it now. I can feel the glow. Cause I’m also feeling for the kinesthetic of it as if I’m a part of it. Remember my bitter was I wasn’t there and now I’m allowing myself to feel a part of. This experience and then taking a deep breath
[00:59:07] and it can be really helpful because so much of this happens up in our cortexes and like up in our head, um, to feel where in your body it would anchor, like anchoring it in my heart, my belly, my knees, and use your hands to find the places where you can be with, with,
[00:59:41] and notice now, like how’s your energy feel about this?
[01:00:03] And now as you feel the energy drawing, you like, I can actually feel my body rocking toward what I’m calling the positive aspect of the sweet part of this moment that I took in.
[01:00:20] Uh, and my awareness of the bitter part is still there in the same way that when we do trauma healing with tapping it, it changes its energy. And in that there’s a healing we’re allowing some movement and resolution. If there are other aspects to. No doubt it will come up later, um, or another time in another context, but it feels like now I’m, I’m anchoring this.
[01:00:57] And if you had an experience that you’d like to share, You can put it in the chat. You can even raise your hand. Um, under reactions, there’s a raise hand. Remember we’re recording. Um, anything you’d like to share with that, Kathy? I really love that. Thanks for sharing that. Um, one thing I noticed for myself when you were talking about that is sometimes I will direct if I’m angry, but I don’t feel safe being angry with other people.
[01:01:26] I’ll have to redirect it at myself. And so like, if you haven’t been allowed to feel good and there’s some anger about that and then like be totally legitimate, like feelings are legitimate. Um, no that may be a, that maybe one of the reasons like, if you don’t want to feel the anger towards someone else, like you might, you might block yourself from feeling good or for myself, some resolve like, well, I didn’t get to feel good all that time.
[01:01:50] So I’m just not going to allow myself now, like kind of a self punishment kind of thing that I’m really angry at other people. But I’m going to kind of direct the anger at me because that feels safer than actually being angry at those people. Does that mean? Yeah. Since you’re tuned to it, do you want to leave at a topping for anyone that’s not applies to?
[01:02:09] Yeah. Karate chop. Part of me is kind of pissed about this. Part of me is kind of pissed about, I missed out on a lot of good feelings. I missed out on a lot of good feelings. They screwed it up for me. They screwed it up for me. What were they thinking? What were they thinking? So now I’m just not going to feel good ever.
[01:02:32] So now I’m just not going to feel good ever again. You can’t make me. You can’t make me three or four. I’ll punish you by punishing me. Oh, that’s true. I’ll punish you by punishing me. You didn’t let me feel. You didn’t let me feel good. There was no space. You feel good? Yeah. So I, so I’ll suffer forever to show you, so I’ll suffer forever to show you until you realize it.
[01:03:06] Yeah. Hi, I blame you, but I’m afraid to blame you. I blame you, but I can’t blame you under the nose, so I’m just going to hold it inside. So I’m just going to hold it inside, where it takes up all this space. Notice and apologize until your notice and apologize. Hello, Yvonne. Pardon me really does want to feel good.
[01:03:29] Pardon me really wants to feel good. And then the other part of me is really pissed about this
[01:03:37] top of the head and what if I can use that anger in positive ways and what if I can use that anger in positive ways and not just directed at myself and not just directed at myself?
[01:03:55] Just notice what comes up for that, around that for you, because anger is one of those things we tend not to deal with really well. And as you said, I mean, even in the just essential, um, I’ll use a less personal example. It’s still personal. Um, so I was writing the newsletter on bitter and sweet and it’s like five 30 in the morning, but I slept well and with everything that’s going on inside of, you know, my eyes and my nervous system right now, that’s great.
[01:04:42] I felt pretty good. And, um, I went to duplicate the old. And the system crashed, not my computer, but the emailing system just didn’t do it. And I, as you were tapping, I’m reminded like the bitter there is like, if you’re going to do creative work, you know, sometimes the technology doesn’t work, the tool fails, but the paint doesn’t set, or I don’t know anything that you do or guitar string breaks, right.
[01:05:21] As you’re about to channel this amazing song. Um, and, and having a way of acknowledging, like I’m, as I’m, as I’m tapping, as I’m telling the story, I’m acknowledging that, you know, I actually didn’t let down. How meaningful it was for me to have this bittersweet. Cause it’s something that like, oh, that’s a bit bittersweet memory, but I never parsed it out energetically into the bitter and sweet.
[01:05:52] And for me, like all day long, this has been really helpful, but because there was unresolved anger or the technology, uh, I didn’t really take in that until now. And I would say that that’s one of the beautiful things is that we can have things that were blocked by anger, resentment, and the like, and when we do this, apply this skill to it, acknowledging it, and then turning toward the positive energy that was there, um, that we get to harvest it even much later, perhaps even decades later, um,
[01:06:42] Anything else for us tonight, Cathy, anyone else that wants to forward or thoughts about this? We are perfectly fine. Letting things come to a close when they come to a close or the top of the hour or whatever’s right. And this might be a perfect place where you might like, oh, it’s kind of sad. I like this group.
[01:07:07] And oh, I would also like 15 extra minutes for myself. You know, just notice that we can feel both at the same time. We can enjoy the, the beauty of like this lovely connection where people are sharing openly and intimately and it feels warm and safe and also, oh, freedom and extra. Like, it would be 12 minutes, 13 minutes that I didn’t know I was going to have for myself.
[01:07:28] What could I do with that?
[01:07:36] Our community, our circle. Um, we want to continue this kind of engagement. I’m really curious. What’s alive for people. It’s been sort of quiet and I understand that. And, um, Kathy and I are going to be scheduling our, uh, calls for June, uh, workshop calls for June and beyond. So we have some ideas and we’re, we’re very open thriving now.
[01:08:07] Uh, dot center is a place where you can continue this conversation and engagement to share your insights, your own wisdom. And, and I really appreciate, even, even though the community center participants is a small core group right now that I take, I visit every day. And I take something from the sharing when someone shares their art, when someone shares insight, when someone takes like, oh, when you said this, it took me here.
[01:08:40] That is the kind of, of engagement I believe that will help nourish. Those are really positive moments for me and when I let them in and I’m letting them in right now. Um, so thank you for those that choose to participate there. And for being here, like this is a stretch, this is one of those stretches and a good way to explore this, but it’s not where we think of like, most people would think of as where I need to go.
[01:09:08] But I think this is one of the kinds of exercises that can be really powerful and that a lot of joy of life. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Well, you’re 12 minutes.
We covered…
- What blocks us from allowing positive emotions?
- Tapping on deserving, punishment, throttling our joy
- Bittersweet = Acknowledging and Accepting the Bitter (tap tap) and tuning into the Sweet and allowing it to reach our vision, hearing, and body sensations
Resources Mentioned
Great to have you on this journey with us!
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What a beautiful way to water the Garden (adorable) and a great metaphor for us all, to be attentive and water our own inner positive states with love and unicorn rainbows!
Just listening to the recording now. Looking forward to this one. Thanks @RickThrivingNow and Cathy. I hope to make one live again more UK time. X
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Great session. Thank you. I attended live and just did the replay. Had a completely different experience the second time. Must have been in a different frame of mind. At the moment the bitter and sweet anchoring exercise at the end helped me try to enjoy the positive aspects of wherr i physically am while coping with some serious overwhelm. I want to better understand the part about how we can go back and heal old experiences, moments, trauma by anchoring the goodness in them. Id love to be able to do that.
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I’d love to do that on a circle call sometime with you, if you’d like.
For me, there is in an event that has been “pretty well healed” (meaning, any negatives have been acknowledged, accepted/addressed energetically, and it no longer feels like it is “happening now” (like traumas can fool us).
Then, I “look around” and “feel within” and ask, “Is there anything here that I want to harvest for myself?”
For example, when the sexual abuse I experienced as a teen was secret shame, any feelings of my work for my abuser’s company felt like I was masking what was happening.
When the trauma healed, over a few years time, what I can say is that during that period – even with all the negative life experiences – I worked as a team for the first time. I excelled at developing processes and systems that helped me work 2x faster than others, and then I taught them what I was doing and they got faster, too!
I got to experience word processing software and hardware for the first time, too, mastered it, and took that knowledge later to create software for the TRS-80 that paid for my college education and later lead to a best selling newsletter on WordPerfect. Ahhh…
I can anchor the roots of my delight in technology to make business easier and faster (and cheaper). I can now anchor that I LIKE helping others do their work better, and be worth more in the marketplace as well as in relation to others.
There are some other things that are more “adjacent” to the sexual abuse I can also honor, but for these examples notice I am anchoring things that are “clearer and cleaner” that were co-present with the trauma and were often overwhelmed in memory and rooted embrace. Now… I feel so much better!
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Thank you for giving that personal example. Id love to practice this with you on a coaching call. Thank you.
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How would I be able to look back on the trauma of the terrors of waiting for surgery as a child, the pain and all that went with it and cull some “clearer and cleaner” things that were co-present with this trauma? I don’t remember much good about it except maybe that it was over but I knew more was coming. It feels like I was always on alert and never felt safe. I can’t even say it is over yet because the dentist and I are waiting to see if I will have to see an oral surgeon in the future. I have a 50/50 chance either way, I have a checkup coming in a couple of weeks.
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May I suggest picking something else?
I say that because anchoring the positive doesn’t mean going back to the shittiest experiences and trying to find something positive.
More either little “t” traumas…
OR… what ELSE was going on in your life that those traumas might have masked from you feeling?
OR… what personal character qualities were you showing or setting in motion then that you can honor and anchor?
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I thought this is what this post is all about, healing the traumas. Mine are still affecting my life and I would like to heal them. Not going back to the shittiest experiences but healing them even without having to experiencing them.
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Anchoring Positive Moments is about anchoring the positive moments. To be nourished by them. To notice and find them, mostly NOW, today, next hour, tomorrow.
I mentioned about past traumas in this case not as the core of this Real Skill. I do believe that there were “probably” things going on during the time of your childhood traumas that you, having healed so much, do still notice. You notice things that are funny. You notice beautiful sunrises and hummingbirds.
Anchoring positive moments is, to me, the real skill of making sure the “now” doesn’t pass by without noticing and allowing positive energy to uplift and nourish us.
The situation of having so much intense, seemingly endless medical/surgical/dental trauma through childhood… and now facing a similar situation – to me that calls for a different approach, which you do and we do and yeah, it can be ongoing to calm the triggers from the past which are still in our energy field… while confidencing in ways that allow us to endure – and yeah, perhaps anchor how sweet that one person was.
Feels important that we are careful not to force the finding of positive moments from past traumas or segments of our life. It’s so tender!
For a thriving lifestyle, which this workshop was intended to support, anchoring positive moments, like the simple uplifts, is a way to enjoy what is here now.
I hope this makes sense. I saw your message right after the circle session tonight, so this feels really alive for me, too.
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I understand it more after listening to Dru tonight. I do find the positive moments now and can anchor them.
Dru mentioned going back and healing old experiences, moments, trauma by anchoring the goodness in them. That’s why I wrote what I did. Old traumas, that’s what I wanted to find positive moments with. Yes facing possible more surgery is a different approach for sure.
I’m very much into discovering the positive moments NOW in many ways.
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I appreciate how we’re clarifying here. As I have contemplated what you shared, I shared, Dru shared, it seems that what feels “useful” in my nervous system is to consider that sometimes there is a trauma that tends to cast a pall over an entire segment of our lives.
For example, my divorce until I addressed the trauma of how she viewed me tended to block me from allowing and anchoring positive moments from how we related over 20+ years. Now, it feels like it can he helpful when positive moments arise in my memory from that period, especially as it relates to parenting my now adult kids as I parent my two kids now, to be able to shift and feel “rooted” that there are those anchor moments from my past that I can activate and enjoy now.
Same with bullying I got in elementary school. For a long time it blocked any sense of the experiences I had learning and thriving in so many areas OTHER than safety!
So while the real skills workshop is really and truly applicable on a now-to-now basis, sometimes my “now” includes the activation of a memory from “then” – and I want to be able to allow those and anchor their sweetness or reminder of qualities I possessed then (and have grown in since).
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Oy, this hits home. Thanks @RickThrivingNow and @Angelsloveyou for digging into this more. I do feel a pall over so many good things based on old traumas especially similar to the one you name here. I want to remember the beautiful things and times too. So badly.
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I feel this to the depths of my soul.
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Love this Rick - anchoring positive moments mostly NOW, today, next hour, tomorrow. To find them, seek them, bring awareness to them Now, in our day! I’m going to be mindful of this today 
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